Insecurities

Attempting Help

Caitlin was walking back to her apartment, university having finished for the day. She was currently alone, having parted ways with Barry as they walked home in completely different directions. The street which she walked down was relatively empty, not many people walking this way. She enjoyed having time to herself, something which had come in handy over the years as she had been ignored, however, she knew now that she enjoyed being with Barry much more than she did alone. Despite only having known him a few days, it had felt like she had known him for ages, and when she was back alone it felt somewhat unnatural as if there was just a massive hole in her life. Which, technically, was true. Barry treated her better than anyone before him ever had, whenever she wasn't around him she just genuinely felt incomplete. 

As she crossed the road, turning onto her home street, some thoughts started to fly throughout her head. What had happened today made her really uncomfortable, the way Julian acted towards her and really terrified her. She was made a lot happier by Barry, however, now he was gone she felt vulnerable again, somewhat scared. Also knowing that her parents were extremely overprotective of Caitlin, she knew full well that if they found out about this, they would immediately send her to a new school, no matter what she said about anything regarding the matter.

Another thing was the fact she never seemed to be able to get Barry out of her head. He really did mean a lot to her, the fact he had chosen to defend her in the way he did really did mean something to her. No one had ever done something even remotely close to that for her, so the fact that someone cared enough about her to do this made her smile to herself. 

Entering her apartment building, Caitlin climbed up the several flights of stairs and walked into her apartment, throwing herself down on her bed. More thoughts rushed into her head, altering her emotions more than she wanted at the moment. What if she lost him? If after meeting her best person she had ever met, she did something to make him walk away, make him dislike her? She always told herself that she wasn't a great person, and not just because it was a simple way to make her ignore it every time someone insulted her, but simply because of  the fact she genuinely believed this about herself. What Barry saw in her was a complete mystery to her, but she did know that she was extremely grateful none the less. Right now she would be willing to do anything to see Barry, however for some reason they hadn't swapped phone numbers yet and had no contact between one another. She groaned out of annoyance, before simply putting her head on the pillow, attempting to pass the time.

-----------------------------------------------

It was the next day, this time Caitlin having arrived first, waiting for Barry to enter the library. Not long after he did so, walking through the library, meeting Caitlin's eye and smiling to himself. 

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

"Before you sit down, can we go somewhere private? I would like to talk to you about something."

"Of course, I know somewhere we can go," Barry replied, waiting for Caitlin to pack up her things before standing up, following Barry.

The pair walked side by side to a bench positioned in a fairly quiet place, in the corner of the university's plaza.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, this is going to sound a bit stupid, but I need to talk to someone about it and you are the only person I particularly trust. Basically, I have been feeling a bit down as of last night, and I just feel that I need someone to cheer me up, which is what you usually do. I don't exactly know why I have been feeling this way but I have been, and right now I just feel rather unstable, more than usual that is. It may be something related to the fact that I have been thinking that I am not necessarily a good person, I'm not quite sure."

"Caitlin, you are better than you think, I have told you this before. You have changed my life, that is something that no one else before you has done. Trust me, don't doubt yourself, you are way better than you see yourself. You do not deserve to feel sad, and you are a good person, I'm the one here that isn't, I'm the one who caused what happened to you yesterday, which I feel awful about."

"No, that wasn't your fault. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable but you made me happy, made me feel safe. You do make me feel safe in general. You are not a bad person. I'm sorry, I know I'm being stupid, I just really need your help, I'm just feeling really, insecure I guess."

Barry remained silent for a second or so, before simply leaning in, wrapping his arms around Caitlin and embracing her in a hug. For a minute or so, the two were entangled in the other's arms, simply enjoying this moment. Butterflies erupted out of nowhere in one another's stomachs, lasting a second or two before stopping, the two then pulling away, smiling. 

"Everything is going to be okay, Caitlin. I promise. You are better than you think, you are a fascinating person and do not deserve to be treated how you have or to simply think of yourself in the way that you do. You shouldn't think lowly of yourself because you are an extraordinary person, please, even if it just for me, don't doubt yourself as much as you do because no matter what you think of yourself, I see a great person in you, Caitlin."

"Thank you, that really helped," Caitlin said with a smile.

"I'm sorry, it was my best attempt, I'm not so good at helping."

"You know, you said this to me once, but you shouldn't say all of that to me and then doubt yourself," Caitlin replied, looking back into Barry's eyes.

"Maybe I shouldn't, but I can't really stop myself."

"Well, I promise you that I will try my best in the future to help you, just like you help me. It is what you deserve."

Caitlin continued to look Barry in the eyes, smiling, before giving in the urge and leaning in again to hug him, this time lasting longer.

"I will try," Barry said into her ear, as they continued to embrace in the hug.