Married to a Monster

Nine

Kai carried both of your bags as you both walked into the house. His friends had retreated to their home next door to give the two of you time to settle in together but Kai knew you wouldn't like it. Although, he wanted the alone time with you himself. He wanted you to see that he was there for you and he would wait until you were ready to welcome him back. He didn't hold high hopes as he hated himself as much – if not more – as you did.

You were in awe as you looked around and Kai could see it from your relaxed body and your slightly gaping mouth. The two of your mothers had gotten together to decorate the house before the two of you returned home from the trip. He silently thanked them as he looked over the elegantly decorated living room, with splashes of colors the way you liked. You wouldn't like living with Kai, but he at least wanted you to be comfortable.

He was about to ask your opinion as you walked over to a fireplace that was sitting in front of a black sofa, decorated with pictures in frames. Your body stiffened and Kai dropped the bags to the floor, walking over to where you were standing as he watched your fingers hesitantly reach out to grasp one of the wood frames, your hands shaking as you held the frame.

Kai's heart was thumping loudly as he got closer to you, peering over your shoulder to see what had you so worked up.

A picture of him, you and Hani. Kai felt himself start to shake as well because he too hadn't seen the picture in a long time. You guys were at your favorite spot. The river that was overlooked by a bridge – the same one where his friends said you tried to kill yourself. The same one where he, you, and Hani shared many memories.

Kai wanted to reach out and put his hand on your shoulder to comfort you. He wanted you to know that he felt pain over Hani's death and more so everything he did to you. He never meant to hurt you but he was too mixed up in grief and pain to realize that you were exactly what he needed to be free from it. He pushed you away and almost lost you the way he lost Hani. Kai wouldn't have been able to live like that and he was grateful to his two friends who cared for you the way he should have.

"Who... who put these pictures here?" You asked looking at him with tears brimming your eyelids. Kai wanted to hold you and tell you it was okay. He wanted to take you back to the bridge and make new memories so you would forget your pain. But he couldn't. Even though it hurt him, he thought maybe in the future he could ask Minseok and Jongdae to take you there and make things right since he couldn't.

"I don't know but it wasn't me," Kai said quietly, keeping his distance a couple feet behind you.

Your body fell to the ground and Kai urged himself to stay put as you fell apart again. He watched you shaking as you grasped the frame tightly and whispered, "I can't live like this anymore."

"Y/N?" Kai whispered.

Your eyes shot back to him and it nearly broke him. You looked as broken as he felt. What were you feeling? What were you thinking about? Kai wished you would tell him the way you used to tell him everything.

The two of you were close and you got to the point where you would tell him even the things that would embarrass you.

"Y/N?" Fourteen-year-old Jongin said, searching for you.

Your bedroom was dark as rain pattered roughly outside, thunder roaring and lightning erupting. Your room lightening up every minute or so. He could hear your soft cries as he tripped over your cup of paintbrushes, muttering a curse word and picking the brushes back up. He knew how much you had cared for them so he delicately sat them back on your dresser.

"Where are you?" He asked as another bolt of lightning struck, causing the room to illuminate for a moment and he saw your small form huddled beside your bed, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He sighed, reaching to turn on the lamp on your bedside and sitting down in front of you. "What's wrong?"