I struggled to open my eyes given the fact that the bright morning sun was shining through my bedroom window and my 4 year old daughter was lying on top of me. I could feel her doe shaped eyes boring into me.
I knew that soon her tiny voice was to be heard. She never let me sleep in on any day of the week. Today was a day that I did not want to adult and also a day that I did not want to be a parent, but sometimes in life you have no choice.
"Mommy, can you get up now?" she questioned. I lay there and ignored her. "Mommy?" I felt her sit up and she lifted my eyelid with her tiny fingers. "Are you dead?"
"No Juju. Mommy isn't dead." I finally responded.
"Yay!" she yelled, clapping her hands.
"Good morning and watch out so mommy can do her morning business." I tapped her leg. "Did you brush your teeth?"
"Yes."
"Okay. What do you want for breakfast?"
"Waffles!" she yelled.
After I had handled my hygiene and cooked Juju her waffles we got dressed for our biweekly trip to the nail salon. No, my child didn't get a full set or anything but she did enjoy her junior mani and pedi with the color of her choice that I approved of.
"Mommy can I go to Shy house?" she asked as we were walking out of the salon.
"You don't want to hang with me for the rest of the day?"
"Hmm." She placed her finger on her chin as if she was in deep thought. "No."
Discreetly, I rolled my eyes and buckled her into her booster seat. "I'll see what she says and we can go from there."
"Shy always says yes. I'm her best friend." Juju said matter of fact.
Sure enough my child was correct and I was now sitting at home alone. Not only was I at home alone but I was dying of boredom. I literally had any friends. Ever since coming back home, it was just me and Juju. I haven't been in a relationship since I left South Carolina.
After leaving I decided that I was just going to focus on me and my child. I was going to therapy because I had plenty of issues that I couldn't deal with alone. I had since graduated from the Art Institute and ended up opening an art studio about two years ago and had a few side jobs to go along with it. I was in the process of opening a tattoo shop too.
"What can I do right now?" I asked no one in particular since I was alone. Silence met me until my phone started ringing. It was Chris calling. I would forever keep in touch with Chris- he was still one of my best friends.
"Christian!!"
"It's Chris." He simply stated.
"Anyway, like I said Christian, what up?"
"Ain't shit, what you up to?"
"Boredom." I sighed. "Your niece left and now I have nothing to do."
"Well if you would take my advice and just go out and meet someone, you wouldn't be so bored all of the time. Do you do that?" he said. "No! You don't! You're still stuck on Quan and that was four long years ago. He's not coming back to you Siani so let it go. I mean damn don't-"
Fed up with his rant I cut him off. "Chris shut the hell up. Damn!." The line went silent. I felt my blood pressure rising.
"Are you still having the attacks?" He broke the silence.
"Not in a couple of years." I told him honestly. "I'm much better at handling pressure."
"That's good and how have you been since- you know?"
