Sorry for the long wait guys. I'm trying to get better at handling my life and writing because a girl be going through some things!
...
"I'll bust the windows out your car, and though it didn't mend my broken heart, I'll probably always have these ugly scars but right now, I don't care about that part..." I sang along to Jazmine Sullivan.
It was the next morning and I was up cleaning the house. I guess the nesting part of the pregnancy had hit me because the house was already clean but I had to be sure.
I did what Chris said and kept things calm and collected last night. Quan took me to see Alvin Ailey and Company with a nice dinner afterwards. When we came home he gave me a massage so good that I fell asleep halfway through. I enjoyed myself even with the knowledge of a fake marriage.
I was wiping the coffee table when Quan made his entrance from the bedroom.
"Why you got it smelling like the cleaning supplies aisle? You're acting like my mom did on Saturday mornings; as soon as you heard music blasting then you knew it was time to clean."
"I'm just getting your house in order." I flashed him a smile.
"Our house is what you mean." He corrected.
I ignored him and kept dusting. I was listening to break up music all morning long and I was beginning to feel a type of way. I just didn't want to do too much by exploding.
I loved Quan, I really did but the fact that he lied to me hurt. Yes I know in the past I did the same but I was never married to anyone else. The worst that I did was abort our first child and then I slept with Jamar at the time Quan thought we were working towards something.
In no way am I trying to justify my wrongs. I've owned up to it all and we moved past it. It's just that I can't move past him being married and not bothering to tell me about it. This whole entire time I'm a side chick and didn't even know.
To me, if you deal with a married person then you're blocking your blessings of finding true love. Not to mention that you're fucking up a sacred union. You can't get any good karma from that.
"Baby!" Quan yelled.
"What?" I looked at him.
"You zoned out and was just staring at me." He said. "I was getting scared because you only do that when I've done something. I haven't done anything so what's the matter?"
I shook my head. "Nothing."
"Lies."
"It's nothing." I said before gathering the rag and furniture polish to put it away.
I went to the laundry room and he followed me. I turned to exit but he was blocking my way. Standing on my tiptoes, I leaned in and kissed him multiple times. "I'm fine. I promise."
"Mhmm." He hummed before moving to the side.
"You hungry?" I asked him.
"Yeah but not for food." He smirked.
I turned away to hide the blush forming on my cheeks. I wasn't supposed to want this.
"Stop."
"What I do? Just the other day, the doctor gave us positions to try so that I won't hurt you and we have yet to try them." He came over and trapped me in between his body and the kitchen counter.
"We've been holding off from sex this long, what's different now?"
"I miss being inside of my wife and it will make your delivery easy."
"I'm not-" I stopped myself from saying I wasn't his wife. "Later. I'm not in the mood right now. Plus King Julian is resting in here and I'd like to enjoy the peaceful state of no belly and bladder punching at the moment."
"I guess I have to accept that." He said sadly.
I looked up at him with my eyes slanted. "We've been this long without so what's changed?"
"I thought about those six to eight weeks of no sex after you give birth. That's just too long." He ran his hands around on my butt. "I'm not putting myself through the torture any longer."
"I guess." I mumbled.
—
I lay in the bed while Quan showered off our previous activities. I was supposed to join him but I couldn't because my mind was back to racing.
"I left the shower on for you." His voice broke into my thoughts.
"Oh. Thanks." I stood up and walked past him and he reached out and smacked my ass. "Ow you ass."
"It's gotten bigger. That baby doing that pancake booty some good."
I flipped him off while holding in laughter. I liked how we could joke and things for the most part.
"My booty was never a pancake."
"Okay, a slice of bread."
"Fuck you. Niggas finally get some pussy and they want to act like they wasn't worshipping my little ass." I shut the bathroom door before he could comeback.
When I came out Quan was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head resting in his hands. He looked completely stressed and I had no idea why.
"What's the matter?" I wondered before slipping a nightgown over my head. I was way too lazy to lotion down and put on underwear.
"Sit down, we need to talk." He sighed. "I know that you know."
I decided not to go beast mode on him. "How'd you find out?"
"You're attitude has dramatically changed and you also left me a voice message the other day when you were talking to Chris." He admitted.
"So why did you wait this long to tell me the truth?"
"It was your birthday and I wanted to let it pass without arguing. I'm surprised you haven't said anything."
"I wanted to." I looked into his eyes. "I was so angry and I still am. I was going to kill you Ja'Quan, I really was. The only thing that stopped me was the kids."
"I promise you that it's not that serious."
"So you already being married and making me a fucking mistress isn't serious?" I cocked my eyebrow. "You lied and said you hadn't been with anyone in the four years we were apart. You had a whole wife!"
"We filed to get it annulled." He argued. "I thought it had went through."
"And what happened?" I asked. He remained silent. "Exactly, not a damn thing. Do you not understand that you're married at the end of the day and it isn't to me? We went down to the courthouse and wasted money and time. You need to fix this and until you do, I'm gone."
"Gone? Gone where?"
"Back to Philly."
"No you're not."
"You and I," I motioned between us. "are no longer. When you become divorced or find out why your marriage was never annulled then we can be a family again."
"I have to find her." He said after a few beats of silence.
"Do what you have to do."
