-I know it's been a while and I'm sorry..life be happening y'all!-
"You still making that man suffer?" My mom asked as she worked on my jumbo box braids. I was getting ready for the baby to arrive and we just had a little over a week left.
"I don't make him suffer."
She let a light chuckle out. "You two are annoying."
"And so are you and your husband."
"I didn't leave him over a little piece of paperwork."
"Ma, I didn't leave him. We're still living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed."
"You're there physically but the mental and emotional matters and you're not there for that. You might as well had left.."
I continue to scroll through my phone. "For someone who would always tell me that men weren't shit and not to trust them, you sure have different advice now."
"I told you that because of the guy you were with." She said in between parting a new section. "Yes, I was scorned from everything that Harlem did to this family so I may have said other things to you."
"May have?"
"What did you see in that thug life character?" She changed topics.
"Jamar?"
"Yes."
I was quiet as I thought about it. "He broke me and my wall." I smiled. "I was in a dark place back then mom. I mean with becoming a complete mute after Ti was killed and later on Gi- then I met him. Fine, chocolate, tall and built- wooooo." I yelled while fanning myself.
"And?"
"And he got me to speak. We started talking as friends and it became deeper. I loved him even though I was young, that was my first love or so I thought. He did things for me that I'll never forget and he turned my life upside down." I sighed remembering everything I had been through with him.
"Well why didn't you choose him?" She asked before grabbing scissors to cut loose hair from the braids.
"He wasn't the person for me and brought out nothing but the bad." I shrugged.
"You sure have been through it with men."
"I guess." I sighed. "I may have known all along that Quan was it for me but I wasn't ready. I think I needed to explore life and other men. It turned out really bad when I did that."
I knew from the beginning that Quan was going to be in my life permanently. I was just young and afraid to settle at that age; I wanted to live my best life. In a sense, I had to lose myself to learn to love him better.
"Don't dwell on the past baby." She said before lowering the chair so I could carefully get up.
"I'm not." I sighed. "I want to grow with him Ma, we've started a family. I'm just trying to push past the fact that he's still married and-"
"Shut up." She cut me off.
"Why?"
"It's not that serious." She looked me in the eyes causing me to look down. "I mean it is serious but he's working on getting the divorce final, is he not?"
I blew out a hard puff of breath. "He is."
"Alright then."
I rolled my eyes and picked my bag up to exit because she was irritating me. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." I told her before walking out.
