Fast Car

Seven

As if, the pain was not enough...

One morning I woke up startled to a man screaming, I thought it was my father at first with his regular breakdowns when he is drunk.

But that scream was different; it had hurt and sadness, it was coming from the window and it sounded like Adam's voice. My heart fell out of place my legs became weak and I was too scared to go see what is happening.

Random thoughts were crossing my mind... Could it be that his father came back? Could it be that someone broke into his workshop? Has something happened to the cars? Was he fighting with his mom? I knew I had to gather every bit of strength remaining in my body to go check on him, and so I did and I still wish I hadn't...

I walked into their house, I heard some weeping and sniffing from Adam's mom's room so I ran there; I was running but my body was numb, I couldn't feel when my feet were hitting the floor my vision was all blurred and I stopped at the room's door... I spent nights crying over what I was seeing; I still see it every time I close my eyes.

Adam was lying next to his mom, holding a letter in his hand and weeping... He was kissing her forehead every now and then and while weeping he was saying:

"How could you?

How could you leave me like this?

Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

Why didn't you take me with you?

I can't live a life without you, you have always been my guardian angel... How can you leave me fight this f*cked up life alone? Did you even think of me when you decided to die?"

So I ran to him, kneeled next to her bed held her cold hands and I started kissing them, then I took Adam's hands kissed his palm and buried my face in it to rest him assured that I am here always...

He threw himself on the floor next to me, curled himself, put his head on my lap, and burst in tears, my heart shattered in a million pieces just by looking at him.

"Is she really gone? Please tell me she was just playing with me, like old times, and she will come back... she is, isn't she? No she is not!"

He said as he sobbed on my lap.

He handed me the letter and closed his eyes

As I was reading the letter, memories of the past came back flashing into my mind...

How this woman easily became the mother that left me behind, she embraced me into her broken home and fixed every hurt I had, she loved me and I loved her, she was my mother too... Because sometimes you don't have to be blood related to love someone with all you have, You don't have to come from her womb to be a real daughter. She was everything I wished my mother was and she offered me all the love I needed for nothing in return.

I opened her letter, and it read...

"My Dear Kids,

Don't be mad at me for lying to you,

Please forgive me so I will be able to forgive myself.

I was diagnosed with cancer, it was stage 4 and I had no chance of surviving, so I decided not to go into treatment that will do nothing but hurt all of us.

I will never be able to forgive myself if I told you I was leaving. Seeing the eyes of yours my Adam hurting and trying to bid me farewell or trying your best to let me stay when we both know my fate cannot be changed. And I cannot be the second mother that leaves you Isabella.

Adam, I hope I covered for the absence of your dad

Instead, I spent the last days of my life with you my precious kids, I filled my heart with enough of your love that many in this lifetime cannot have,