Fast Car

Twenty-Seven

Adam

"Good morning fighter, today you shall be stronger than your storm."

I say to myself as I look into the mirror after forcing myself out of the bed... then I laugh, find my way to the kitchen to grab whatever there is to drink that will reunite me with Isabel again. Whatever it is that will take me back to her touch. Only for this f*cking b*tch of reality to slap me back in my stupid face and realize I am out of anything to drink. Apparently, the last few days I finished more than 12 bottles of hard liquor.

... but it was worth every second, every fantasy and every touch.

In my cotton shorts and t-shirt, I grab our house keys – my, MY house keys she is not here anymore, take the elevator up to the 7th floor, James & Ryan never run out of anything to drink. I know where they hide their spare key; I pulled it and went directly to the kitchen. On my way there I found a lace panties and a bra thrown at the floor, a questionable half burnt brownie on the kitchen counter and three bottles of something, that look like exactly what I am looking for... it seems they had a wild party last night.

For a minute there, just a minute.. I envied them... and their life.

I grab a huge chunk of that brownie; hold it between my teeth – tastes funny but it's the first thing I am eating in days and maybe it's just what I need now. I grab the bottles under my arms and find my way back out of their apartment, keeping their spare key with me.

I didn't bother looking if they are awake or if anybody has seen me... I go back to my place, back to that stupid sofa where Isabel last fell asleep and I sat with myself... where the hell were you?

A loud silence banging on the walls of the house. A comfortable silence that wasn't comfortable at all...

As I lay my head on those cushions, cushions that still hold a faint of Isabel's smell, but I don't. I don't hold anything, because I reek, I haven't shaved, I haven't brushed my teeth, I haven't even washed my face... what's the use? The only water that splashed against the skin of my face was when I was trying to wake myself up from a nightmare. A nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. A nightmare where the love of my life decides to just leave my life.

I take a sip of whatever is in that glass in my hand, it tastes bitter, so bitter to the human taste but maybe just maybe it will let the bitterness in my heart seems a little sweeter. As I finally learn how to swallow this d*ng in my hand I swear I can hear the keys  jingling from the other side of the door... and I swear I am not asleep. What the %^&! is she back? She is back!

Isabel is back!

I pinch myself, I can feel, weakly and palely but the feeling is there and the keys are still jingling.

Right at this very moment I am feeling like my body is at a different time zone than everything else. I don't know if I am faster or if the world is suddenly slower, I am in a state where I can feel the blood rushing through my veins, I can hear my own breath so loud to my ears... but me waiting for that freaking door to open felt like eternity...

Since I am already ahead of time, I start to imagine my reunion with her. How I will hug her first and then bombard her with all the questions, or maybe I will just hug her and never let her go again. It doesn't matter why she left, what matters the most is that she is finally back!

I know I should stand the f*ck up and go open the door myself, but I can't. My legs can't hold me, they don't have the power to carry my body all the way to the door. I can't force them to hold me when they are shaking like this. What an inconsiderate jerk I am if I ask them to carry me when I can't even carry myself.