Fast Car

Ten

           

And so it began...

I ran up home, I walked through my father and his new girlfriend without acknowledging them, I don't know if they noticed something was about to change, but I don't care honestly!

I just want to get the hell out of here with the person that means the most to me in life and start this new journey. I am so excited! All the time we will spend together and all the beautiful places we will visit on our way, I will finally see my beautiful country, I will breathe new air and I will amuse my eyes with new sceneries, I will embrace my skin with the warm sunlight.

I will discover myself and what I am capable of, I will learn about my strengths and my weaknesses, I will spread my wings and see how far they can take me.

I will finally meet myself.

The road trip is currently all I am looking for, it will be a vacation after all the hard work I have been doing, and it will be a payback for every time I put my body, my mind and my soul in dangerous and hectic situations. It is a re-bonding time with my best friend and myself.

And I just can't wait!!!

My heart is skipping a thousand beats a second, my lungs can't seem to remember how to breathe, the blood in my veins is moving so fast that I can feel how my body is not steady. I ran up to my room gathered the few outfits that I have, my favorite books, my valuable items, some of the photos that Adam and I took in street booths, the origamis that Adam used to do for me with sandwich or candy wraps when we used to sit in the junkyard, pretty much that's all. As I was going out I broke my piggy bank and I took the money that was remaining, because my dad thinks he can outsmart me by picking the money that I was saving without me noticing. Honestly, I didn't care for anything anymore I just wanted to leave.

I went down, I put the boxes next to Adam's car and I went to the bakery, the diner and the restaurant to tell them my goodbyes. And to my surprise, the owners have gathered me the money of all my vacations that I didn't take because I needed the extra money and they gave them to me as a goodbye gift, which was more enough to get us to the city and help us find an apartment until we start working.

Our trip to the city takes almost 2 to 3 days, but since I have enough money and we are not in a rush, I will tell Adam to go visit the beautiful areas on our way that I always wanted to see.

I think the universe is finally on my side, it is finally smiling at me... and honestly, it feels good!

I have been sad my whole life, people would tell me it will get better but I never believed them, today I know that sadness and happiness are just a point of view that you can change. Today I learned that I became happy because I decided to do something I was afraid of doing my whole life. Today I learned that it is ok to risk everything you have, and feeling scared is actually a good thing.

Today I finally learned that taking a risk might actually be the good thing!

I took my money and went back to Adam's, it was almost sunset time, and he was waiting for me by the car. His house was all turned off, everything was packed inside, his belongings, and my boxes were already in the car. He was standing there barely laying on the side of the car, his arms crossed and he was lost in his thoughts, so I stood there contemplating his beauty and I got lost in my own thoughts too. I realized that I am about to do the biggest move of my life, I realized that I am about to change Adam's life as well and when I proposed the whole move thing he was just so easy to convince, i think he misses Aisha so much or maybe he was as tired of this place as I was. Still, fear started taking over me, I started thinking if we don't find a proper job I will not ruin only my life but his as well, I made him close his workshop, the most successful car workshop in the area for a potential project that is not guaranteed, I messed up his life!

I threw myself on the concrete ground, trying to find a breath to catch but with no success, my stomach knotted, my vision blurred and my hands were losing whatever strength they have left. At that moment, Adam noticed that something is wrong with me so he ran and slid on his knees as fast as he could to provide my head a support as I was starting to lose consciousness and the last thing I remember is colliding onto Adam's chest.

I don't know how much time later I was smelling a beautiful woody-musky-clean smell, a smell my nostrils were addicted to so I gained back my consciousness  and the first thing I said was "unpack your things I want to go alone..."

He ignored what I said and he carried me, put me in the car, threw a map on my lap and said "you will be my co-pilot don't fail us". I looked at the map and saw crosses on some spots along our way. So I asked him about them he replied tranquilly, "since we are both not in a rush to anything and we both need a vacation I decided we will be visiting those villages and areas along the way, a small vacation to refresh us before starting our new life"

I looked at him and I smiled a big fat smile that exploded my heart. I looked at him and I realized that I have every reason in the world to love this boy but I have only one reason not to confess my feelings for him - to keep him.

We buckled our seat-belts, turned on the car and we started to drive. Adam took the highway that leads us out of our town. We used to drive next to the exit and talk for hours about what we would do if we ever take it. And here we are driving through this very same road, the sky colored in the most beautiful shades of blue and purple on top us, the cold breeze surrounding us and the far city lights twinkling for us. I turned my head and I noticed he was peeking at me from the side of his eye while keeping his focus on the road, so I blushed and I turned the other way.

I looked at the side mirror of the car and I saw someone staring right through me, I saw the reflection of a person I never saw before, a person who never looked at me like this before. I saw myself, my real self, for the very first time. I saw dark circles, dried skin and a tired face but I saw strength in the reflection of my eyes, and that was the first time I am pleased with what I am seeing, I am finally freeing myself from everyone's expectations I am freeing myself from everyone's looks and judgments of what my parents did to me and what I did to myself. I am in this life for me.

As I was consumed so deeply in my thoughts, Adam removed his right hand from the steering wheel and reached for my hand, he intertwined his fingers in mine and exclaimed "we are in this together" so I pressed on his fingers and whispered "I wouldn't want it any other way..."

I can't even begin to explain how it felt when his hand touched mine, if my eyes were unfiltered I would have seen fireworks exploding in my system and in the horizon of my life line. But the most beautiful thing is how safe my heart felt for the very first time, it felt so sheltered and happy, but being the chicken that I am I removed my hand from his, and heard my mouth blabber without even thinking... "we can't do that to Aisha"