Fast Car

Forty-Two

           

Closed up in my room, back to where the pain all started... back to my painful bed and light-less ceiling. The scars that this morning I thought they were healing are cracking open and I keep bleeding... bleeding the remainder of my old love, bleeding the shadow of a new love.

The door opens and a creak of light creeps into the room, green eyes strike me and I catch my breath so I figure what the hell is happening...

"Hey... is that you?"

"I know it's weird but I had to come see you. I need closure or I guess I just want to look at your face and maybe hug you before you become officially not mine." He kisses my forehead with blame and pain in his touch. His touch burned me for the first time instead of soothing me.

What have I done... I wonder

"Adam... please stay, please... I am f*cking begging you... I deserve a chance to explain myself."

"You don't deserve anything Isabel. Forget me and forget I once existed in your life. You threw me when you were done with me; you threw for the next best thing. All this time you played me to get to the rich one... you are a selfish person that I dare not say you are an acquaintance, let alone I once fell deeply in love with you... shame. I will go back to the real love of my life, the one who did not sell me for the rich man. The one who stood by me through good and bad. The one who did not walk away from me without even telling me why"

"Adam!!!! No please... pleaseeeee... NOOOO!" he walks out of my room.

He holds the door with his hand looks back at me "I was in the corner, I waited for you every day to notice me but you haven't you were too busy... and yesterday in the club I was there, did you see me? No you didn't... you were busy wearing short skirts and high heels which you never did for me... Goodbye Isabel. I hate you Isabel. Do you hear me? I HATE YOU ISABEL"

I turn around to find Aisha, Mona, James and Ryan with me in the room laughing at me, and the echo of their laughter is getting louder and louder while still calling my name...

"STOP!" I raise my head from the bed and force myself to open my eyes.

"Isabel, Isabel..." Jess and Nicky are waking me up from my nightmare... I look around and I find myself in bed.

"What happened? Did they finally go?" I ask them scared and shaking.

Nicky took me into her embrace... "Relax sweetheart it was just a nightmare, there is no one here just us."

"What happened?" I ask them confused

"Last night you told me you had too much to drink so I took you to the bathroom, you went inside and when you went out you were washing your hands and then you just collapsed. We brought you back home to sleep it. Jess told Ken that she was not feeling well, so Liam would not come after us and see you like this and go crazy, but we didn't think it through because he's been calling you since last night and we weren't answering and now he just sent a message that he will be here in – ok any minute." Nicky explained everything since last night.

"So we didn't see Aisha in the bathroom's club?"

"Unless you saw her alone, nope my love we didn't "

I sit there in shock, everything felt so real. Their words pierced through me like nails on a crooked wooden board. Everything they both said made sense, I am selfish I don't deserve whatever is happening to me. I think I should turn down the job at Liam's and be miserable, I don't deserve happiness.

"I am just like her..." I think to myself but I say it aloud instead.

Jess slaps me "you are nothing like her, you have just begun with Adam, you did not have a teenager at home that you left with a corrupt father. You have every right to live and work and most importantly love. So shut up go wash your face and please brush your teeth the guy just turned off his loud car." She pulls me out of my bed and throws me in the bathroom.