Fast Car

Thirteen

           

"Little does she know... He thinks about her too"

There goes another
day, her by my side but not mine. So close yet not together. I try to put on an act, a smile and make every day looks like it is the best but I do not know how long I can keep on doing this.

Being who she is, doing whatever she does makes it so hard for me to just sit there and not touch her. She makes it so hard for me not to keep her snuggled in my arms kissing her all the time, she makes it impossible not to keep her hand in mine wherever I go.

Today I had the realest dream ever...

I woke up to the most beautiful scent my nose has experienced still lingering in my nostrils, I woke up to the warmth of a familiar presence too close to me, I woke up to realize that this was not a dream. Isabel was actually sleeping right next to me, wrapped up in my arm, her head on my chest and her hair tickling my nose. I had the love of my life right where she belongs.

And I, I can easily get used to that...

I can get used to her beauty next to me day in and day out of my life, I can get used to having her 24 hours a day 7 days a week by my side, I can imagine us together forever, I even picture how our kids would look like, because her is everything I need in my life.

Her happiness is my every day's goal, I live to see her happy, I would do anything to see her genuine smile, the smile that exposes everything her heart is hiding, the smile that creates sparkles in her eyes, not her polite smile that never leaves her face. Isabel might be the most heartbroken girl I have met in my life, yet she radiates happiness to everyone around her. Her smile is contagious.

Isa is an introvert, even though I know I am the person that she trusts the most, sometimes I just wish she could open up more to me. I wish she could just speak up her mind so I can reassure her that I will never hurt her, that I will spend every day in my life gathering the pieces of her broken heart and mending it. I will pledge that all those times she thought to herself that we could not belong are just illusions in her mind, that us, her and I, we belong to something so damn beautiful.

The things I love most about her is that she can be a classy sophisticated girl and a cool bud at the same time; she makes me want to be myself. How she constantly challenges me into becoming a better version of myself and I love to do the same to her. I personally never trusted any human being behind the wheels; I always prefer driving, except for her. She has a beautiful way of driving, she is steady and professional, she has good balance, she pays attention to her surroundings, and even when she drives so fast, I can still trust her. The girl can drift and has car tricks more than all the guys I know in my life.  I think it is all part of her passion for cars.

But today, when I asked her to drive, I did not do it because I wanted to challenge her, I did it because I was too distracted to do it myself. I was going crazy of every single thought crossing my mind, my head was going to explode, and I couldn't take it anymore. My feelings for her are growing by the minute, and I was sure that this trip was going to make us or break us and this is a risk, I am willing to take. Deep inside I was certain that we would make a perfect couple, that's why I broke up with Aisha before leaving because I didn't want to be a selfish asshole playing with a good girl's heart for his own pleasure.

And when we left, when I showed Isa the first bit of my emotion and held her hand, what was the first thing she said? We can't do this to Aisha... This girl is so selfless that it is not good for own sake, and I hope on this journey to discovering herself, she realizes that she needs to love herself and give herself more.

I ignored her comment that day because when she was going to ask me about the reason, I don't want her to blame herself when she know it is her. I want her to know everything; I want to tell her how much I love her, how much I loved her and how much I will love her. I want to hold her so tight in my arms until our hearts beat as one.