How I See You

Chapter 18 - Alyssa now.

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~Sarah

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Alyssa now.

I’m curled up on my bed, my face buried in the duvet, crying. I don’t want to cry. Will said he wouldn’t leave me, but I can’t help thinking that a lot of people lie. Everyday.

I ruined everything. I shouldn’t have kissed him. He just looked so upset and was all worked up about practically everything – including me.

Then he kissed me back and we didn’t stop which was a huge mistake.

Myra went and told Avril. I wanted to scream and slap both of them. Zara yelled at Myra and then she screamed at Avril and Cherice when they started telling everyone that I was a slut.

But that’s out of order. They go around kissing or sleeping with any boy they please, and oh, they’re definitely not sluts, are they? Note the sarcasm.

I went and barricaded myself in the bathroom in a cubicle and Avril was outside for the whole time, laughing evilly and yelling stuff, telling me I was going to die.

I missed the whole of Geography because I stayed in the toilets and when I came out the teacher caught me in the corridor and now I’ve got a detention.

I tried to act normal when I got home but my mother thought I looked pale and she gave me this awful medicine because now she thinks I’m going anaemic.

I pretended I was going to bed early but I just sat in my room crying and crying.

Now it’s about midnight and I’m in the pitch black darkness curled up with the tears rolling down my face.

And Will didn’t even call me, or text me or anything.

I haven’t even seen him outside anywhere.

I sigh and try to breathe evenly and steadily, sitting up. I think everything is over. Me and Will. My school reputation. My friendship with Zara. My life.

It’s incredible how everything can turn right around or be ruined in just one second. Or just by one move.

Gosh, I sound like such a needy little girl! I shouldn’t be like this. If Will doesn’t want me anymore . . . it shouldn’t be the end of the world. I feel like Bella out of Twilight, for God’s sake.

What’s happening to me?

I wipe away my tears quickly, taking in deep breaths. I guess Will won’t want to know me anymore. And everyone else thinks I’m a slut.

I climb into my bed and lie underneath the covers, staring up at the ceiling.

What a bad day.

Everything is over and everything I thought that I had with Will turned out to be lies and it must have been some sort of joke.

He hasn’t even called me.

I lie there and try to close my eyes and think about something else. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s impossible to not think about him.

I close my eyes, but all I can see is Will’s beautiful face. Then the tears come again, and my breath is coming out in massive gasps and I’m sat up again, with my face in my hands.

I feel so stupid for crying, when I know that there are people out there who suffer worse than me everyday. But I can’t stop the tears falling once they’ve started, no matter how hard I try.