Once upon a dream (Hakuouki fan-fic) (Hijikata x OC)

Chapter 11

Victoria's POV

I was restless for the rest of the evening, not out of fear or too much stimulation—which occurred that same night. I was uneasy because Hijikata was in the room. My room, to be more specific. After my 'kidnapping,' Kondou-san wanted someone to keep an eye on me. I don't know why he asked Hijikata to do it. I'm sure the raven-haired Samurai was exhausted, and despite that, Hijikata reluctantly agreed to watch over me for the rest of the night, but I wasn't sleeping. I couldn't. The guilt from lying to the Shinsengumi was slowly eating away at me. I was afraid Hijikata could read the words 'liar' all over my face, which is why I was here now, laying in bed with my back to him. He was cleaning his sword. I could tell from the distinct sounds of cloth running up and down his blade.

I tried my best to use that as ambience to fall asleep, but it only reminded me that my life was entirely in the hands of this man. This man to whom I had lied. Surely this wasn't a good way to start a relationship. 'Not funny, Victoria. It's not a joking matter,' I scolded myself. "You don't need to pretend to be asleep," A deep voice spoke, startling me slightly. 'Oh no, he knows,' I panicked mentally. "I didn't mean to scare you," He apologized quietly. I sat up from my position, looking straight ahead rather than at him. Not that I could see him very well, the only light came from a dimly lit lantern hanging near the door and the faint glow from the moon that filtered through the shoji walls.

"Sorry," I mumbled quietly, shifting my arm that was previously pinned under me into a more comfortable position above my head. It was better to apologize vaguely. After all, I was apologizing for a lot of things at once, not just for not being able to sleep but for lying to him and the others, for keeping him up when he could be resting and just for the trouble I've caused in general. That one word was good for all of that, or at least I hoped it was. "You don't need to apologize," He replied simply. 'Yes, I do,' I mentally screamed. "But I'm keeping you up." He stopped wiping at his blade momentarily. The room was dead silent. The only sound audible was the rustling of the trees from outside. Hijikata let out a short sigh before speaking.

"No, you're not. I probably would've just submerged myself in more paperwork," he admitted. Hearing this, I realized what he said was most likely true. "I apologize" I was in the middle of thought when I heard those words. "Huh?" my eyes were wide, wondering whether I heard him correctly. "I apologize for not listening to you. I should've paid more attention, and maybe then-" "-No," I cut him off quickly. He was silent. "It was stupid of me to leave the compound on my own. I just wanted—I don't know. I was hoping someone would notice I was gone, it's childish, but I guess I just wanted to be right..." I ranted. I couldn't stop myself. The words just sort of left my mouth on their own, but it felt right at that moment. I didn't fear the possible ramifications. "You weren't kidnapped, were you?" Hijikata's sternly stated rather than questioned.

I didn't answer, but I didn't need to. I also didn't need to look at him to know he had gotten up and was standing next to me on my left; peripheral vision was good for that. He was now kneeling next to me, fairly close, might I add, and despite any of this, I still refused to make eye contact with anything but the wall across from me. I swallowed hard, thinking about what he could do to me and what others would do to me when Hijikata told them. "What did you do?" "Nothing," I replied effortlessly. I hadn't really done anything. "Why were you at Ikedaya inn?" He pressed coldly. "To make sure no one got hurt...but even I couldn't-" "-Did you think you could stand against our enemies on your own?" He asked in a dumbfounded tone. It was rhetorical, so I knew not to answer. "It was not your fault that Heisuke and Souji were injured, but I agreed that it was idiotic and extremely irresponsible of you to leave on your own simply to prove a point" I felt like a puppy being scolded by its master, all I could do was stare down at my lap as he scorned me. Then came the sigh. "But...I would've done the same thing in your situation," He admitted. He wasn't encouraging my reckless behaviour further; he simply implied that he accepted my choice. "But I won't have it again," He added, once again returning to his serious scolding self. "Yes, Sir," I replied with a ghost of a smile on my lips.