Eyes // mgc

4.5

( sorry if theres any mistakes/typos, ive been crazy tired lately and things are kinda rough right now, but heres an update, hope you enjoy! xx )

Alexis' point of view

"You tryna' to go out tomorrow night? Or are you busy?" Calum asked me and I hummed as I buttoned a black shirt on.

"Go where?"

"Luke and I wanna go clubbing. He said not to hold my breath while asking you, but I'm here, hoping that maybe you'd finally say yes." He laughed over the phone and I took a deep breath. "So, you wanna come?"

"What time?"

"Jesus, it's like a game of twenty questions with you." He snorted and I couldn't help it ad my cheeks burned. "You wanna come or not? I'll text you what time when I know you're going."

"I uh... sure, I'll go." I agreed and he cheered happily, shouting to someone else as I held Michael's phone to my ear. "Tonight?"

"Oh no, not tonight. Later on, maybe tomorrow. Possibly. Luke and I gotta pull some money out, drinks aren't free you knos." He told me and I sprayed some cologne on.

"Alright. Is uh, is that it?" I asked and he told me it was. "Alright. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye man." He said and then hung up. I set Michael's phone on the dresser and then ran my hand through my hair a few times.

I've never gone clubbing, so I had absolutely no idea what to do. What did clubs look like? Were they really all dark with neon flashing lights? Were they really overpriced?

"Hey babe," Crystal smiled and I nodded at her as she walked in. "You feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I feel fine, why?" I asked and she sat down on the edge of the bed as I pushed on the millions of bracelets Michael wore. I took a seat beside her and she shrugged as she leaned towards me.

"You just seem... distant. It's like you're forced to hang out with us. Did I do something wrong? Did the guys do something wrong?" She asked and I shook my head, praying to god that I'm not ruining Michael's relationship.

"No, of course not. I just um... have a lot going on." I assured and she smiled as she leaned her head on my shoulder. I laced my fingers with hers and she kissed my knuckles.

"I'm proud of you... you know that right?"

"For what?" I accidentally asked and she laughed.

"For not getting drunk when you could have. Takes a lot of self control to stay sober, you know." She said softly and I nodded. Did Michael have a drinking problem?

"I mean... kinda, I guess. Thank you?" I shrugged, unsure of what to say, as she looked up at me. God, Crystal truly was beautiful. Michael was such a lucky guy.

She pushed my back and I rose an eyebrow and her as she then straddled my lap, either of her legs on my sides while she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Maybe... Possibly... we can stay in tonight? Just you and me, no one else."

I panicked internally, knowing just where she was headed. I've spent so long avoiding seeing Michael's penis, looking away while peeing or covering it with my hands and closing my eyes when I had to shower. I felt like it'd be a little too weird, but his girlfriend was on me, on him, and I knew that maybe my attempts were going down the drain right about now. But honestly, how long could I have avoided not seeing it?

She slowly kissed down my jaw and I awkwardly set my hands on her waist, unsure of what to do. Did I push her away? Did I let her continue? She already thought I was distant, and I didn't want to completely ruin their relationship, but how the hell am I supposed to pretend I know how to fuck like a dude? How the hell am I supposed to understand how to be a gu during sex? I'm a fucking bottom for crying out loud.

Or maybe...

I sighed mentally, wondering if this counted as cheating as I squeezed her waist tightly.

"You said I've been distant lately, so why don't you let me make it up to you..." I trailed off and she hummed. "Let me show you I'm sorry."

"How do you plan to do that, Mr. Michael Clifford?" She asked and I tried my best to stay confident in myself.

I may have never had a dick, but I can say that I do know how to please a woman without it. I've only been doing it for two to three years now, at least three times a week.

-

I woke up early in the morning, the sun not even up yet as I went to the balcony. I sat down on a chair outside and then sighed, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. My back stung from Crystals long nails digging into it, and I couldn't help but feel bad, like absolute garbage.

A pit was in my stomach, my insides turning at the thought of having to continue pretending to be Michael. I didn't know how to sing or play guitar. I didn't know the password to his phone or his credit information to pull money from a bank. I wanted to be myself again, without having to worry about playing shows and what I tweet.

I shook my head and then pushed Michael's hair out of my face, remembering that Calum and Luke wanted to go and hang out. I guess Michael hasn't gone out with them in awhile for something that wasn't work related, and when I agreed, Calum was shocked and over-the-moon happy, and Luke was absolutely amazed that he was actually leaving the house. That Michael was actually going to do something fun.

Who knew Michael's been distant with his friends? That he took medication for anxiety and depression? Who knew he was so insecure about his weight and appearance? Who knew he had a freaking drinking problem?

Who knew we were more alike that I thought?

"Mikey?" I heard Crystal ask and I turned around slightly, feeling her set her hands on my back gently. "You alright? I woke up to crying."

"I'm not crying."

"Oh? Then what's this then? Sweat? It's sixty degrees." She asked, wiping her hand underneath my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just..." I struggled to find the words to say as she wrapped her arms around me. I felt guilty as she kissed my cheek, holding me like I was the most important person in the world. Like Michael was the most important person in the world.

I wanted to tell her that I wasn't Michael. That I couldn't play guitar and I couldn't stand peeing while standing up. I wanted to admit that I was just a teenage girl with her own issues to deal with, who didn't need to worry about having that rockstar life. I wasn't Michael, but yet I've been here for four days pretending to be. Pretending to be her boyfriend, pretending to be Calum's best friend, pretending to be Luke's friendly rival, pretending to be Ashton's amazingly talented guitarist.

I couldn't just keep pretending. I felt like I was betraying all of them with each second I spent pretending to be their best friend and her boyfriend.

But how am I supposed to tell her, or any of them that? It'd seem so insane. They'd probably laugh at me and make fun of me, thinking it's joke. You can't exactly prove that you don't know guitar or that you haven't looked at your penis in four days.

However, though I was guilty, I couldn't being myself to tell Crystal as I sighed quietly. I'd never felt so cared for or so important as she gently held me and kissed my cheek. Of course, I knew she thought that I was Michael and thought maybe I was just having whatever problems Michael has, but it still felt great as she kept her arms around me and just stood there, arms around my waist and chin resting on my shoulder.

"I'm just tired. I woke up and couldn't sleep." I sighed, and she laughed lightly. She let go of me and then laced our fingers together.

"Come on, let's head back to bed then." She told me and I nodded as I stood up. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." I nodded and she closed the door as she led me back to the bed. "If it was anything, I'd talk to you about it."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I assured and I laid down in bed beside her, wondering what Michael was doing and how's he's doing right now. I hope he's doing better than me.