phil
"phil," dan whines for the twentieth time, swinging his leg over mine and wrapping his arms tighter around my waist, his cheek pressed languidly against my chest and i hum in response, my fingers tapping on the screen of my phone distractedly.
"you're boring me," he complains, pulling the blankets tighter around himself in an attempt to get cosier, and i let my other hand play with his hair uninterestedly.
we have found this weird middle ground between friendship and being downright in a relationship, and for now, i don't think i mind it. i like being close to him, to have conversations with him about the most random things. i like holding his hand and pecking his cheek in a friendly way, and i like cuddling with him at night.
"yeah, well what do you want me to do then?" i ask, diverting my gaze momentarily towards him, and he just looks up at me with his wide brown eyes and a small pout on his pink lips and fuck if i don't want to kiss him all the damn time. i don't know whether dan thinks that this is completely normal in a platonic friendship or he has actually started questioning his sexuality and liking me, but because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, i stop myself from making a move every single time.
"i don't know, i'm just really bored," he is almost on top of me with the way he is desperately hugging my side, and i finally keep my phone to the side, and turn to face him, our chests touching and his legs still tangled with mine, and i take the opportunity to slip my hands around his waist.
"should we go for a walk?" he doesn't answer, he just shifts more towards me and nuzzles his face in my neck, and i pull him closer, resting my chin on top of the mess of curls that is his head.
"in a while maybe," he responds and i nod slightly, my fingers involuntarily drawing patterns on the small of his back, his jumper riding up slightly, allowing a few of my fingers to rest on his warm skin. god i'm hopelessly obsessed with this boy.
"hey dan," i gulp slightly, wrapping my arms tighter around him just in case he tries to pull away and he just hums softly in response.
"what's your—what's your like, sexuality?" i want to slap myself for sounding like a chipmunk and dan pulls away slightly to look at me, before cuddling back into my neck and i breathe a sigh of relief.
"i have always felt attracted to girls, like there hasn't been a single guy i've had a crush on so probably straight? why?" i feel my chest tighten at his response, and nod in understanding, loosening my grip slightly on his waist.
"just like that, you wanna go for a walk now before it gets too cold?" i pull away completely, and he glares at me for suddenly denying him the warmth, before he nods and gets out of the thick blankets, stretching his arms above his head. i look away from him, quickly making my way outside and taking in a deep breath, hoping that the cold air will do something to soften the blow of dan's words.
so i was right, he actually thinks that whatever this is between us is completely platonic. of course.
i roll my eyes, slipping my feet into my shoes and watch as dan comes out of the tent as well, putting on some slippers and grabbing the flashlight before we make our way into the forest. the day is on the brisk of breaking into complete darkness, a light blue hue overtaking the entirety of the sky and blending into a soft shade of orange at the ends of the horizon. i don't make a move to hold dan's hand as i generally do, walking a fair distance away from him because i'm done being lead on.
i'm not going to end my friendship with him or anything, i like his personality and him as a person too much to do that. but i will, however, limit us to actually be only friends. it's not fair for me that i'm growing unnecessary feelings for him when he would never even consider having feelings for me.
"hey, you okay? you seem a bit bothered," dan furrows his eyebrows at me, making an attempt to grab my hand but i just slip my hands into my pockets before he can, and i feel guilty when i see a hint of embarrassment flush on his cheeks.
"i'm fine," i smile at him half heartedly and he seems to be unconvinced but nods anyway, giving me a dimpled smile as he tries to bring the awkward silence down and begins to talk about one of our mutually liked music artists.
i have to stay away from him.
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hello !!!!! my summer break just started so hopefully would be updating this a lot more
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