The Life of Me pt.1

June 8th 2017 11:29 pm

I know it's late, and I don't feel good. But I need to say a few things. Really just what I gave up because of people. I gave up singing so now I just sing quietly in my room so no one can hear me. I was in a choir while I was fifth grade though, it was good while it lasted. I was there for everything​, I was there after school when we were supposed to, I was there for every event thing we did. Like I said, I was there for every thing. Then people found out I was in the choir, and thankfully at that time it was the end of the year so the choir had ended. So I gave that up. Running I gave up also. Throughout every gym class I had in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade people said I was good at running and that I should join track or something. I never did, for I already knew that people would make my life worse. I was in like a track related thing in 5th grade. It was with the other grade schools in Portage. I actually very good at the one thing I did, but people made it worse for me so I instantly stopped that. I gave up social interactions because of people, I'm not going into full detail but people wouldn't stop making fun of me, telling me to kill myself, telling me I was useless (which I already feel like that most days), and more. So I gave up any social life I had. And I nearly lost control of myself one one or two occasions, both of them possibly leading me to kill the same dumbass. Miles. That name makes me so damn angry. There was one... um... incident... where he wouldn't stop telling me he wanted to be my... friend... After he kept telling myself to kill myself. So I had an outburst of anger and yelled at him, just seconds away from throwing him down the bleachers and killing him. Thank you me, thank you. That was sarcasm. I started giving up school at 3rd grade, I knew that I wouldn't be any good to people. But I officially gave up last year. People say I'm good at writing, my ELA grade was an F... well last I checked anyway. I kinda gave up on caring for anyone, including myself. I know I haven't showered in over two weeks, disgusting, I know I hate it too. Why I haven't gotten a shower? Well like I said, I stopped caring for myself. I gave up trying to even make a single friend, to be honest it's like trying to find a halfway decent job in Skyrim. Kill a dragon, gain 100 gold. The trip to the dragon got me ten times as much! What I mean is most people see me as someone that isn't anyone that will ever be important. So I don't really have a friend. Sure I may go to people's houses, but that's​just to get away from my family. And to be honest I don't see them as friends, they may see me as a friend, but I don't see them as anything other than another human. But I never do anything to anyone to make them hate me. So why do they instantly see me as someone to be made fun of? I don't know. I've ignored the two other Kevins, it is actually quite easy. I've been doing this for a few days. Maybe two? Yeah, I've been doing it for two days. I gave up pretty much everything at this point. I don't even know what I still hold dear to me. Anyway I'm done talking. Do what you want to donate such a late hour. Read my book, play video games, watch TV, ride a horse at night ('Cause like that's something you can do), text someone, play more games, listen to me talk about how bad my life is, or anything else that comes to your mind and not mine. I frankly don't care. Another name I hate.