The Life of Me pt.1

July 3rd 2017 7:47 pm

so i had to do some thinking before i actually made this update. um...well where do i begin? let's start off with why i started disobeying one of the rules of writing. capitalization. well i'll tell ya why. see...um...well the reason i stopped capitalizing all the 'i's and all the first letters in a sentence is because it's the only way i can show i'm depressed. it's the only way i feel like i can get my sadness across these words to you. and yes most if not all of these updates had me depressed, but most of these had capitalization. the reason being is auto correct. but now that that's off, now it makes me feel like i actually talk through these words.
i still have more to tell you, this update is hitting real close to home.
um...well...i am depressed. i acknowledge​ that. unlike most that have depression, they will never say they are depressed or even start to say they are. but i know i have depression, and i'm agreeing that i am depressed. but i did jot have depression since like four years ago. no, i had it since my first first grade. which was a long time ago, longer then four years, way longer. i've had depression since i was six. and no lie i've been depressed for eight years. the reason being...is...um...okay so i don't want to write it, but at the same time i know i'll have regrets not saying it. so in my first try at first grade i was held back, and i've made plenty of excuses. like i starred up at the ceiling and counted all the..."dots"...in the ceiling. or i just looked up into space, or didn't want to learn. truth is...i don't want to say...truth is that's when my depression started...but i already said that...the reason !y depression started then is well, that's when my frie-*cough*-the person that betrayed me betrayed me. he wa-*cough*-acted like a friend to get in close and find out who i was and everything i knew about myself. it was unknown to me that he bullied all the kindergarteners with his friends. i didn't know he was a bully. so then he became my friend and got me to tell him everything. even my fears. which i have outgrown (but they sometimes still kick in every now and then). like hights. and young kevin couldn't go up on the slide in fear of hights. so this person ganged up with his friends and made fun of me and eventually beat me up. all i got were bruises and a little blood from by hand. i tried to fight back, but like most things it back fired. so then from the rest of the year i stayed quiet and did nothing. so i got held back then we moved and i started a new first grade in a new school.
wait...if that person never became my friend in the first place...then i wouldn't be depressed nor be held back...and if i wasn't held back...whoa
what's next on the confession list...i'm just going to...leave it at that okay...bye