June 30th 2017 1:26 am

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i hate sharing a room, just like most people. i don't hate it because i don't get a room all to myself. well, actually that is a big reason why i hate sharing a room, only in a different reality is that possible. *sigh* the person i share a room with keeps bothering me by touching my feet. it's so annoying,and he keeps doing it every single night. even if i could sleep i couldn't with him! i hate these people, can somebody please just kill them!? they're so annoying! if i could live by myself i'd be fine. no one would keep me awake by touching me, no one would pester me by how long my hair is, no one would even know where i would live. that would be great, if it would ever happen. but i'll be stuck living with these people for the rest of my life 'cause they always force me to use my hard earned money on someone else, never me. like the 38$ they owe me. well plus all the other money, so that would be nearly 60$… yeah, not a single penny saved or even used on me. not a single penny that was mine i was able to use. no, i was forced to use it on everyone else. when i'm 16 i'm getting a job and when i'm 18 i'm moving out,and i don't care if i'm not done with school, well no i'll be 19 when i'll be done with school…assuming that my life doesn't continue down the path i've been taking. by that i mean giving up on everything, well no i already know i will give up on everything. it's obvious.
i realized something the other day that i wasn't going to say, but i'm saying it anyway. my updates are somewhat better by maybe a very small bit. like while i was in school there would be the usual "kill myself" updates and the "everyone hates me" updates and others. now it's just the "these people hate me" updates and the "everyone hates me" updates and others.
the summer has never been my favorite season. for multiple reasons. reason one, my birthday is in it. now in case if you forgot or are new, everyone forgets my birthday. and by everyone, i mean every single person that has ever known my birthday, and those who did will always say, "I didn't forget your birthday!" when i tell them that they forgot my birthday. days later. well by days i mean weeks, but whatever. reason two i hate summer is the mosquitoes. reason three, the heat. these people love the heat. while it'll he 90 degrees outside the thermostat inside will say 78 or 85 degrees. reason four, everyone forgets i ever existed, wait no that's a reason i like summer, well people used to forget i exist now it just delays the inevitable. curse my life why don't you. well there are many reasons why i hate summer.
i've been listening to Imagine Dragons Rise Up for the past hour. just the same song playing again for an hour. it's another song i can relate to most of. well basically all of it except the chorus, or whatever the part is called that plays again in the song. well actually the beginning of the chorus i relate to. if you get what i'm saying then good for you.
you'd think i would hate those that forget i exist, but it's one of the few things about the summer i like. why do i like it? well by the time school starts they're is a less amount of people to bully me, and less people that will look at me. it's the only thing i look forward to in school. not the i could make friends part. not the social interaction part, that's my second least thing i would ever do, mainly because i get noticed by that, putting me in front of people that can tell all their friends to start bulling me. i don't have friends. only ever had one human friend and three dog friends. that all were taken away, either by death or the pound. i don't even know what a friend is supposed to be for someone. i don't have friends. friends would just put me more in the center of attention by everyone leading to more of those "kill myself" updates and possibly actual suicidal actions. i don't have friends. is that good or bad? that is an actual question i would like answers to. why am i even asking, i won't get answers. whatever. if you are someone that does answer a question of mine then please answer that question. i won't get an answer. i already know this.
i just remembered something. one of the people that bullied me most is following me. zak or whatever his name is. i don't care what it is, but he's following me, most likely never read a single thing i wrote. but he commented on one of the updates days before he even started following me, he basically said, i always just wanted to be your friend even though i shoved you a few times and said you were going to shot the school and-blah blah blah lie lie lie, just stop, you never wanted to be a "friend" of mine. stop lying. i can read through the lines moron. so stop lying and tell the damn truth. i still have many secrets that i would love to put in this book thing, more things i need to say. but i know everything​ i've said in this book will be used against me. so those secrets and feelings will stay buried until i can feel like they won't be used as weapons against me. but they obviously will. nothing​ i say will ever help me. i hope you know that.

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