Moving On

Chapter 11

A majority of the shit that Kathleen said in the car to me went in one ear and came out the other. I didn't even bother waiting for Henry to open my door.

"We are not finished having this conversation right now young lady! Get back here!"

I continued walking my ass up the stairs as if I didn't hear her.

She caught up with me and got a strong grip on my arm. I had no idea how strong she was.

"I said we aren't finished with this conversation!"

"Oh so you suddenly grew a fuckin' backbone? Wow, I'm impressed... well not really. This ain't no muthafuckin' conversation, you just keep yelling at me about the fight I got into."

"Your lip! Your back! You got hurt child! That is not what I want for my child! I am pressing charges against all of those girls for hurting you! And I am mad at you because you could have walked away!"

"THERE IS A REASON WHY MY MUTHAFUCKIN BACK HURTS KATHLEEN! THOSE BITCHES HAD ME SURROUNDED SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I COULD HAVE DID!" I threw my bag at her in pure frustration and anger. This bitch is tryna make me feel bad for not letting bitches beat my damn ass. What the fuck kinda shit is that?!

"Let me tell you something else, Kathleen, I am not the scared bitch I was last school year! I have been jumped before, and I damn near landed in Spalding Regional Hospital! Those girls fucked me the hell up! I was not about to let that shit happen again! I defended myself all on my muthafuckin' own against five weak ass muthafuckin' bitches. Nobody in that cafeteria had my gotdamn back. They came at me wrong so I had to do something about it the shit. You getting mad at me because I resulted in violence, but what did you want me to do? Let them kill me? Is that what it is? You tired of me so you want me dead too, right? Tired of paying for your mistake, huh? Well fuck you too Kathleen!"

I snatched my arm out of her grasp then turned to walk to my room. I tried to slam my door in her face, but she made it in the room before I could. This time she grabbed both of my arms.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME KAMERYN?! YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER A-"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY ANYMORE! That's why! SO WHAT I'M YOUR FUCKIN' DAUGHTER?! YOU HAVEN'T CARED FOR SIXTEEN YEARS, WHY YOU CARE NOW?!  You don't understand why I am so pissed off right now! Nobody helped me today Kathleen!" Tears came rushing out my eyes. "No one. Not one person. Instead everyone just got out their phones to record what happened to me! Had I not been thinking quick and fast, there is no telling what would have happened to me. Don't you get it Kathleen? The fight is a reflection of what my life has been for the past sixty six days. I have been fighting alone. It's been me against the world."

"That's not how it sh-"

"BUT THAT IS HOW IT IS!"

She raised one of her hands as if she wanted to slap me, but then she just wrapped her arms around me. I tried to push her off of me, but she wouldn't budge. She is not helping me, she is simply adding on to the rage I have in me.

How dare she tell me that I am not alone in this world? I AM! The only person who has ever gave a damn about me was gunned down in front of my face. He was the only one who I ever truly and fully trusted. He only broke one promise he promised me in my sixteen years of living. That promise was the promise that he would give up the game and we'd move somewhere far away from all the bullshit. We moved to Georgia to get away from the bullshit, but he promised me we'd go some place like... Chicago... or New Orleans... or any place I wanted to go. He filled me with so much hope, but in the blink of an eye, all of my hope was simply taken away from me. All my hope, happiness, joy, confidence... everything was taken away from me. No one can truly understand the anguishing pain that my heart feels unless they've seen their father get killed before their very own eyes. I don't even know how I remain sane.

"Kammie I am so sorry baby." She kissed my head as tears fell down her face. "I am so sorry that you feel like you are all alone in this world, but you aren't. You aren't a mistake. You are a beautiful young lady who has been through so much that you can't believe that anyone is on your side. You have me, Trevor, and your sisters. I love you Kameryn."

"I just need to be alone right now."

"If you need anything just let me know honey." She kissed my head again and then left out the room, shutting the door behind her.

I simply sat on my bed and let out all my emotions.

She keeps on saying how she's here for me and how I have her support and  shit, but I don't believe her, but where was she for the first sixteen years of my life?! It is not easy for a male to raise a female, but my father stepped up and did it. She didn't. I can't trust Kathleen. I can't trust Katherine, Tiffany, or Taylor.

I have suspicions about Angel too. At first I was thinking that those girls waited for her to walk away until they came over to me, but what if that wasn't exactly the case? What if Angel saw them walking over so she got up to avoid them? What if she set the whole shit up?!

Fuck it. I am sick and tired all of this shit. I'm about to just say fuck everything and fuck everybody. I don't know how much more bullshit I can take before I just completely give up on life all together.