Moving On

Chapter 13

"May I sit with you Kammie?"

My eyes left my feet too look up at Kathleen. She has a blanket under her arm and a smile on her face.

I shrugged my shoulders then folded my arms across my chest. I don't even care that she called me 'Kammie.'

"I noticed you weren't in your bed and I see that your door was open so I figured you had to be out here. The night sky is so beautiful, isn't it?"

When I didn't answer her, she slowly sat beside me while spreading the blanket out over herself. She tried offering me some but I declined. I'm kinda cold, but I don't wanna share no damn blanket with her.

"It's super late. Is there a reason why you're still up? It's like two in the morning."

If it's two in the MORNING, then wouldn't it be super early instead of super late?

Anyway, Why am I still up? The answer is simple yet oh so complex in the same breath. I have a million thoughts in my mind right now, so how could I sleep?

The very thing that I didn't want to happen ended up happening, and it didn't really go the way I felt like it would.

Rico. The conversation that he and I had a week ago really did something to me. I... didn't think that it would be that easy to... really open up to someone like that. I couldn't dare tell him... or anyone about most of my past, but I told him how I truly feel about my father.

I guess he could somewhat understand how I felt because of what he goes through. We've both loss someone that means a lot to us, and we both really just opened up about it for the first time this afternoon.

I find myself getting closer to him, but I can't even front, I'm kinda worried about it. He's a human being and he has the ability to hurt me. Not saying that he would, but I can never fully trust someone again. I put my trust in Tristan. All that got me was a heartbreak. I put my trust in Gianna and the bitch went and put a knife in my back as soon as I stepped foot on the plane to Cali. I don't see myself being able to give any relationship with any person my complete all anymore.

I used to be a nice, kind hearted person, but now I'm just a confused soul that has no set direction in life. I'm just a scared little girl who had to grow up quick and learn about the cruel aspects that this world has to offer.

"I have more questions then answers." I rubbed my sweaty palms against my bare knees. "Most of my nights... I sit up... and I just think. And I visualize. I see myself as a happy, chubby girl playing with her dad. I see my dad being gunned down in that parking lot. I see myself being pulled back and restrained as he's lifted up on a gurney in a hospital bag. I see him in his casket. I see the guys who murdered him. Sometimes I even imagine what it would have been like if I was gunned down right along with him. I don't think that would have been such a bad thing."

"I don't want you tal-"

"Why Kathleen?" I turned to face her and look her in her eyes. "You didn't even want to raise me yourself. When I came here I didn't know you from some random guy named Carl. I still barely know you, and you still barely know me. You can't even tell me thirteen facts about me."

I was about to get up and walk away, but she grabbed my hand. I was about to curse her out, but she started talking.

"You were named after your father. You are a true Taurus. I just can't remember which day it is. You are very smart and beautiful. You wear a size six in shoes. You are allergic to seafood. Shellfish. You're favorite fruit is pineapple. You like to wear your hear straight and down... because that's how your father likes it. At least that's how he liked mine. But let's see, what else." She rubbed her chin, trying to think of other things she think she knows about me. "I have a strong feeling that you were... sexually abused."

To contain my thoughts and my feelings about her statement, I simply looked away from her.

"You shouldn't go around assuming shit Kathleen. Those were just eight simple facts about me that anyone could guess. Well let me tell you another fact about me. When I was a baby my mother left me. And she left me, her daughter, so she could go raise her other children. For some reason, she just didn't love me enough to raise me for who I was and am. Her daughter. My mother turned her back on me and went on with her life, pretending like I didn't pop out her pussy! My mother now wants to pretend like she cares about me, but I easily see through this bullshit. Her mother is now taking care of her because she feels guilty! That's all this shit is!"

"That's not t-"

"TELL ME WHAT IS THEN DAMNIT! I am sick of this. You did abandon your sick baby in the hospital. That's what my father told me. You are not about to call my father a liar!"

I stood up with my fist balled up, ready to take my frustrations out on her if I need to.

She grabbed my hands to hold them at my side. I was about to snatch away from her before she started speaking.

"Kameryn... okay. I won't call your father a liar. Just sit down and listen to what I have to say."

She let go of my hands but I continued to stand over her. When she finally figured out my ass wasn't gonna budge, she continued on with her story.

"Yes. You were a sick baby. You were premature so you were slightly underweight as well. You had to be in the hospital for a while. You're right, I do feel guilt. While your father would check on you in the hospital, I would be with Trevor, sleeping around with him and also taking care of my other daughter, Katherine. Yes. I cheated on your father. I wanted the best of both worlds. Both men were incredible and amazing. Of course my cheating ways caught up with me. And when it did, it was not pretty at all. Your father almost killed me. I ended up in the hospital and in a coma for months. When I got out of that coma, it was Trevor who was the forgiving one. Your father wanted nothing to do with me. He kept you for all of that time, without even knowing if you were really his biological daughter or not."

A hard gasp escaped my throat. "Wh... wh..." I took a few seconds to process what she just said to me.

My jaw dropped, my heart convulsed in my chest, my knees gave up on me. My eyes rolled back as I hit the ground.