Moving On

Chapter 23

What made you do it? Are you crazy?! Are you out of your mind?! What made you do it?!

Shit, I didn't even know what I had done to myself until Kathleen told me what happened. She told me I was found on my bathroom floor with blood all on me and an empty pill bottle near me. The only pills I had were the ones I should have been taking after my weak ass lost my damn baby. I got all depressed and shit so they really thought medicine would solve my damn problems. The only thing that would have solved my depression was a beautiful baby boy or baby girl in my arms.

Anyway, Kathleen told me that Taylor was the one who found me. She said that Taylor felt bad about yelling at me so she wanted to apologize. In all honesty, I seriously don't give a fuck about that shit. I thought Taylor really loved me. I seriously thought of her as a sister and as a friend. She may only be five years old, but that don't mean that her thoughts of me should have been easily changed due to what Katherine's bitch ass said about me. If she truly loved and cared about me then no one's opinion of me would have mattered. I was a fool thinking that Taylor truly loved me.

So, because of a five year old, and because of my terrible, pathetic ass life, I pretty much blacked out and tried to kill myself. The last thing I really remember is crying my fucking eyes out in my bed. Now I'm in a fucking hospital bed. Both of my arms are bandaged up, I have a really bad pain in my stomach, and my whole body just feels sore as fuck. I really fucked myself up. Not good enough though. I'm slowly but surly still breathing, so whatever I did was definitely not successful at all. I know I blacked out or whatever, but now in my correct mind I can't say that I'm happy that I wasn't successful.

I just have this wacky feeling that I'll be prescribed more pills and be forced to go back to a therapist. One of the first things they did when I woke up was bring some strange looking muthafucka in here to give me a mental evaluation. Not saying too much of shit probably didn't help the situation any. At this point, though, I don't really think I give a damn. I don't care what some bitch that don't even fuckin' know me thinks about me. All I know is that I will never step another foot or a fuckin' pinky toe in Dr.Reed's office ever again. Kathleen stupid, dumb, and slow if she thinks I will. I didn't like how that muthafucka was acting the last time I was in his office. It was clear that the sick muthafucka was lusting after a sixteen year old. He has to at least be in his mid to late thirties. I'll never understand why a grown ass man would lust after a young ass girl. I'd think they'd want a matured, experienced woman. I don't know. There's a whole lot that I'll never be able to understand in this world.

As I stared at the ceiling, the door opened. No damn knock or tap or nothing. I thought it was a nurse or a doctor until I heard Katherine's annoying as voice.

"Oh mom she's awake now."

Truth is, I was awake when they came in here earlier. I just didn't want to be bothered with them early in the damn morning. Shit I don't wanna be bothered right now either. Had I known they'd be back I would've closed my eyes and pretended to be sleep again. Don't none of 'em like me any damn way, I don't even understand what they here for.

I moved my head to see Taylor, Tiffany, Katherine, and Kathleen come in the door. Taylor ran over to my bedside to hug me.

"Hi sister! I love you! And and I'm sorry."

"Taylor! Sweetie be careful you're on her IV." Kathleen said as she placed a ugly ass vase of ugly ass flowers and a ugly ass card on the ugly ass dresser beside this uncomfortable ass, ugly ass bed.

Taylor moved away from me with a frown on her face. I guess she expected me to talk to her and accept her apology.

Kathleen cleared her throat. "Tiffany? Katherine?"

"I'm really sorry Kameryn. I didn't mean to make you sad." Tiffany lowered her head as if she was really ashamed. What the fuck ever.

"Yeah and I'm sorry too." Katherine said while texting on her phone. I have had it with this muthafuckin' bitch. I'm sick of her ass! At least the other two actually sounded semi real.

"No you ain't bitch. None of you are. All three, or four, of you have wanted me gone ever since I arrived in your driveway. Nobody wants me here and nobody really gives a shit if I'm alive or not. So fuck you all and get the fuck out of my gotdamn room right now!"

I quickly turned on my side so they couldn't see the tears on my face. I'm mad. I'm hurt. I'm pissed the fuck off. It's true. They really don't fucking care. Giving fake ass apologies to me just because Kathleen clearly told them to muthafuckin' apologize. Fuck that shit. Unless an apology has some fucking meaning behind it I don't want to muthafuckin' hear the shit. If an apology don't have meaning, what's the fucking point of even apologizing anyway though?

"Look at this girls. See what happens when you don't try to get to know a person before you out them? You girls should be ashamed of yourself for making Kameryn feel unwanted. Y-"

As painful as it felt, I got up and got in Kathleen's face. Something in my mind just... I'm beyond pissed off with this damn bitch right now.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BITCH?!"

She looked scared out her damn mind. She really about to yet a sixteen year old intimidate her ass. She needs to grow a pair.

"Uhh... I... Uhh... Umm...."

"You are so full of shit to the point where it comes out your fucking mouth Kathleen! Trying to tell them that this what happens when you don't get to know somebody and out them. You know all about that, don't you muthafucka?! YOU MADE ME FEEL UNWANTED WHEN I WAS ZERO MUTHAFUCKIN' YEARS OLD KATHLEEN!" Tears slid down my cheeks, but I had to continue telling her ass off. "You the one that left yo' sick ass muthafuckin' daughter in a muthafuckin' hospital basinet so you could go lay up with a muthafuckin' nigga that woulda probably bashed yo' muthafuckin' skull in a few days ago had it not been for me! You talkin' about giving somebody a chance... Ooo bitch you have all the nerve, don't you? The nerve to dress like a tacky ass eighty year old woman, AND the nerve to fix yo lips to say some fuck shit to me. GET THA FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT!"

By now I had this scary bitch pinned up in a corner crying and flinching up like the scary bitch she is. I wish I could just rip her fucking head off and burn it! I don't know if I've ever been this mad in my whole life!

"And you bitch." I turned around and went over to Katherine. I grabbed her by her collar then pulled her tall ass down to my eye level. "I hate yo' ol' tall tree trunk lookin' ass just as much as you hate me bitch. I should beat yo' ass again for all the muthafuckin' shit you feel the need to say about me. You so unhappy with yo' own fucked up, shitty life to the point where you feel the need to be this stuck up arrogant bitch. Well let me tell you something honey. The next time I hear you been talkin' shit about me my fucking fist gon' be stuck upside yo' muthafuckin' head! I'll break every bone in my muthafuckin' hand by bashing you upside the muthafuckin' head. Don't fuckin' try me Katherine. Go try another bitch 'cause I promise ya I ain't the muthafuckin' one. I'm done playin' witcha and sparing you."

I pushed her ass back and she didn't say shit. Her scary ass simply started crying. I looked over at the girls. They were standing there trembling and holding each other, probably scared that I'll snatch they asses up next. I should tell they muthafuckin' asses a thing or two, but fuck it. I already made a example out of Kathleen and Katherine.

I laid back in bed and shut my eyes. Almost right at the same time I heard the door open and close. Good fucking choice!