I always thought that when someone's time came, it would end in some significant way, and would effect everyone on my side of the hemisphere. Sort of like when the sun sets, and there is massive display of beautiful colours in the sky that can last for ages. I thought that the prettier the soul was, the more significant the death, like sunsets on a beautiful day. But not every sun sets the same, and some of the most beautiful days end without a sunset and some of the worst days end up striking and vivid in colour. It's not fair, and it never was.
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What does it mean to be strong? Everyone keeps telling me to "be strong" but I'm not sure what that means. Does it mean that I have to try a lift a 70 kilogram cinder block above my head? Does it mean I have to block out all of my emotions? Does it mean that I have to lie about how I'm feeling and try and smile through it all? They say that there is different types of strong. Physical strength, mental strength, emotional strength, they probably say that there is such thing as spiritual strength. But what's the difference? To be strong is to carry the weight of something, whether it be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual. Does that mean that the strongest person in the world has to carry the weight of the world? Does the weakest have to carry nothing? How do we know how strong we are? They just keep adding weight until we crumble, but it's like they never expect us to crumble. Well this is me crumbling, and not having the strength to piece myself together again.
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Why? Why don't they leave me here? Why do they keep coming back even though I say that I am fine? Why do they periodically check up on me, and why do they pressurise me into leaving?Because they think I'm struggling, because they think I'm gonna do something stupid and/or act out ignorantly. Because they think I'm weak and they see me crumbling. Let me crumble, let me break, don't put me back together. Let me revel in the sweet relief of no pressure, no bounds ad no limits. Let me relish in the feeling of not caring.
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Your humanity is the key to unlock so many things on this earth.
Your emotions and compassion seem to unlock your worth,
but how much you care seems to be quite complex.
Because they don't seem to know the effects
of what happens when you don't care
and when you don't want to be fair.
What happens when you switch it all off?
Well, no one asks if you're ok when you cough,
and they lose all trust in what you say
and lose all faith in what you try to convey.
But the thing is you're free.
No more wanting to drown in the sea
and no more piercing your body with blades.
All of your grief just fades.
I lost everything I really cared about,
just to be rid of the grief I could happily live without.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts
PoetryJust a collection of thoughts and emotions that were felt too intensely to be dealt with on my own.
