you know, i feel like a lot of people abandoned me. i mean, i pushed them away too and asked for space, but that didn't mean they had to remove themselves from me altogether. i felt unwelcome in their environment but they didn't try to help me. they waited for me to get better and deal with it on my own and now that i'm starting to feel better, i don't feel unwelcome anymore. just that i now don't belong.
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come to realise that i have 3 people who genuinely care about me. i know i pushed a lot of people away, but it was a defence mechanism and quite normal for those who have suffered traumatic events. i know that this immense loneliness is mostly my fault. i'm willing to accept 90-95% of the blame. the other 5-10% is on you, because if you actually fucking cared, you would've kept trying like the other 3.
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"you haven't just taken on responsibility for what happened . you have taken on responsibility for everything that happened afterwards as well. you took on responsibility for his injury, his mental health, every single witness' response, and thats a lot of responsibility to take on considering none of it was yours."
yeah, i know.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts
PoesiaJust a collection of thoughts and emotions that were felt too intensely to be dealt with on my own.
