He Never Does || n.h

Chapter 10: Don't Let Them See

Chapter 10:

Don't let them see you cry. Don't let them see you cry. Do not let them see you cry.

That sentence repeats itself in my mind as I stare at my plate of Chinese food. My fork doesn't bring food to my mouth, it just pushes things around. How could I eat though? All I can hear is Nina's obnoxious laugh. I don't say a word and I try not to look at anyone.

They can't know I'm hurting.

I take a glance up from my plate just to see Nina feeding noodles to Niall. He laughs as she misses his mouth on purpose and kisses him instead. The sight gives me a headache and a scowl finds it's way onto my face.

"Not at the dinner table please. You're making me sick." Louis teases them and pretends to gag.

"Shut up Lou." Nina laughs like she's known him for ages. She definitely hasn't. I roll my eyes at her but nobody sees me.

"Oh Harry, my mum says I can stay over tonight. Nolan will be at a friends house so I'm not babysitting." Ashland cheers and he kisses her cheek.

"You guys are moving too fast do I need to give you the talk?" Liam jokes this time.

"We've been dating since October. Thats almost ten months, can we kill the jokes guys?" Harry complains and they all laugh at him.

Wow, they are getting really serious. That's amazing, especially because neither of them seem like the type to only want to be with one person.

"Hey don't laugh arseholes! Nina has only been with Niall since May, that's only two months! Make fun of them!" He complains again.

"Yes but we actually like Nina." Louis says and elbows Ashland. She gasps and pushes him away from her.

I'm getting really uncomfortable and I'm not hungry. I can't stand to be in the same room with Nina for much longer. I know it's judging her prematurely, but I honestly don't care. I hate her, and I'm not going to pretend that I don't. Unless she proves she's not a bitch, I don't want anything to do with her.

And if she leaves me alone I don't see a problem in the future. Niall can be fucking happy with his perfect new girl as long as his plans don't involve me as well. How could I simply be his friend at this point?

I stand up silently, with a slight wince of pain, and grab my plate.

Zayn stops me by grabbing my forearm.

"You haven't touched your plate once." He says and the others turn to him and then my plate full of disgusting fattening food.

"I know." I simply reply and yank my arm away from his grip. I'm not going to pretend I ate, what's the use.

I throw the food away and place the plate into the sink. Without another glance at them, I slowly and cautiously make my way up the stairs. I have to pull myself up with my arms but I eventually do it. Nobody offers to help.

When I get back to my old room, I see my suitcases already inside. The image sends flashbacks to the day I left this place. The bags neatly packed by the door, even the tears forming in my eyes feel familiar to that moment.

On top is a bag I've seen before. It's my tote, the one Rick took with us. I open it and a muffled sob escapes my lips. It's a bag containing about five blood stained outfits, an alarm clock, and lastly...a journal. I sit on the floor by my bed and open the tattered pages with shaking fingers.

I read the entire thing, cover to cover. I get towards the end of the book and it suddenly feels like I'm back in that place. I'm still in the dark abyss and there is no end in sight. I'm trapped in my own mind and my own fears. I still have yet to see a light at the end of the tunnel. This was my last entry;