He Never Does || n.h

Chapter 3: The Selfish and The Selfless

(Still Rosie's flashback)

Chapter 3:

My eye sockets burn as Kyle pulls me out of the car by my elbow and into the blinding daylight. He looks once over his shoulders to make sure we are alone and then slams me against the side of the SUV with his arm holding my elbow.

He leans close to me with an expression I can only describe as disgust, though I can sense it is far more complicated than that.

"If you even step a foot out of place or say a single word that you shouldn't, your family will be six feet under before you even take a breath of London air." He spits out through clenched teeth.

My eyes widen with fear and I remain still.

"Got it?" He says, looking further into my soul with his black pits of eyes.

I nod once, very slowly, and he releases me from his death grip.

I originally intended to try and get out of this somehow, just like I did at Kyle's apartment. But I have no idea of Ricks power or influence. I have no idea if he means what he says about having my family killed before I can even reach London. I have no idea.

And I'm not going to risk their life for anything.

"Carry this." Rick says coldly and hands me the overnight bag I noticed he took from my bedroom. It feels heavy but I have no idea what is in it.

I silently comply and grab the bag, slinging it over my frail shoulder.

We enter the always bustling New York City airport and Rick leads us to a line where they take our baggage. My heart is still pounding in my chest but I try not to let my fear show. I just keep my head down and avoid everyone's eyes.

We get our luggage settled and Rick guides us through the mob of people with his hand between my shoulder blades. It is the gentlest he's ever touched me, but it still makes me shiver in fear.

I almost consider trying to lose myself in the crowd and escape. Almost. Then a vision of Brook crumpling to the ground surrounded by screams and a pool of her own blood reminds me what a selfish thought that is. I am not a selfish person. Am I?

I feel like being selfish is the one thing I constantly try not to do. I never wanted to use Brooks fame for myself. I never wanted Niall for any reason other than the fact that I loved him as a person, not as a celebrity. I always pursued ballet to make my mother happy and proud of me. And I left for New York to make everybody else's lives easier. Surely those things aren't selfish.

Aren't they? My mind asks me.

Maybe they were all selfish acts. Maybe the reason I didn't use Brook for fame was because I wanted her to think I wasn't jealous of it all. That could have been just me doing what I do best and distancing myself from her to appear strong. Maybe I was only thinking of myself and my image then. And I was selfish with Niall too. I never cared about his social status, but I did use him. I only cared about my feelings for him, not vice versa. I loved him, but I never considered his feelings when I left him. I knew he would be hurt, and I still walked away. Then comes my mother. Sure I can convince myself I only did ballet to please her, but in pleasing her I ultimately pleased myself. I fed off of her slight pride over my ballet. I can say I was acting for her, but it was really all for me.

And about leaving...well that one is clearer to me now. I made up countless excuses in my head as to why it was a benefit for others that I left. I justified my actions by pretending they were selfless. But no, I did not leave for them. I left because I felt it was the right thing to do. I left by choice. My choice. It was not selfless. I am not selfless.