He Never Does || n.h

Chapter 7: Can't Feel Anything

Chapter 7:

Death is peaceful.

Death is certain.

Death is easy.

But death is a luxury that I do not possess.

My eyelids flicker but remain shut. I can now hear the slowed down breathing of my lungs. My heartbeat is no longer rapid, it's far more normal.

I honestly thought I was dead just then. I felt my body go limp and I figured it was finally over. I must have just slipped into unconsciousness. I'm not sure how I feel about still being alive. But my heart isn't ready to stop beating.

I try to lift my right arm but it feels too heavy and won't move. My fingers and toes tingle from lack of blood. My body is sending all of my remaining blood to my vital organs. That tells me that I may still be living, but it might not last.

It takes a few seconds for me to remember how to open my eyelids but I eventually do. I can't focus them on anything in particular, it's all blurry. The inside of my head is foggy too. I know what's happening, but it doesn't feel like it actually is.

My eyes take in the picture above me. The mist has stopped coming down on me through the trees. I can see blotches of the sky in between the thick branches and I notice that night has turned to day. A lovely yellow glow casts itself over the meadow as the sun begins to rise.

So this is how I spend what I fear are my final hours. I watch as night turns to day, dark turns to light, and my life turns to death.

I'm slowly bleeding out and all I can do is try not to think about the pain. It's mostly numbed until I focus on it. A shooting pain runs down my neck and spine as I begin to get frustrated with the position of my head. My neck is bent at an uncomfortable angel and my head rests on the tree while my back lays on the ground.

My eyelids shut again without me telling them to. I hate this. Instead of being a prisoner in a cell I'm now a prisoner of my own body.

I'm forced to think about my life. I can't do anything except think. I have come to the conclusion, however, that I don't regret the decisions I made in life that brought me here. I don't regret moving in with the boys. I don't regret falling in love with Niall. I don't regret moving to New York.

That last one is tricky for me to say. Of course I regret the way I did it. I wish I did it the good and honest way. I wish I told them all at the beginning. But I made a wonderful life for myself in New York. And I met my best friends there, other than Ashland. I still couldn't call Navy my only best friend because no matter how much Ash hates me it still wouldn't feel right.

So yes, I am happy with the choices I made. I stand by them. And I'd do it all over again if I got the chance. I wouldn't change a thing.

I try to open my eyes again but they don't budge. They begin to roll back again and I can feel myself falling into unconsciousness. I try to fight it, try to hold on, but I can't.

It's dark in my mind once more.

Buzzzzzzzz

My mind returns from it's dark abyss to the sound of a bee buzzing. I hate bees normally, but I could care less about them right now. My eyes allow themselves to be opened and a beam of sunlight shines into them.

It must be noontime. The temperature has risen and the sky is a magnificent blue. Like Niall's eyes. Simply perfect.

I try to smile but then I realize I can't physically do it. And I try to speak again, just to check if it's possible, but my vocal chords feel like they are frozen in place.