He Never Does || n.h

Chapter 20: Too Late

Chapter 20:

I walk out of that house in just my bra and tights but for some reason I feel like I have more dignity than when I walked in. I feel free. Once I'm on the street, I grab the sweatshirt from my bag and throw it on. I immediately feel safer in it.

That's when I smell a mixture of cologne, shampoo, and boy. This is Niall's sweatshirt. The one I took to New York. I stop for a moment just to breathe it in.

After walking a little further I walk into a gas station bathroom to change fully. I put on a sports bra, my boy shorts, sweatpants, and flip flops. Shoving my tights and heels into my bag, I walk back into the night.

After another half hour of walking home, I pass by a wooded area. I stop and stare at it for a minute. A smile plays at my lips. It reminds me of the entrance to me and Niall's spot. And suddenly memories replace the image I see in front of me.

Niall pushes the hair that has fallen in front of my face behind my ear and smiles at me. His eyes are more captivating than the sky above my head.

"You will never know just how beautiful you are to me." He whispers, his breath fanning my face.

I just stare at him with wide eyes as something registers within me.

This is so much more than a summer fling. This means so much more to me than I expected it to. In this moment I never want to leave him. I want this. I want us.

Something clicks deep inside of me. Like turning on a lightbulb that has been off for a long time, the warmth is finally radiating again. I finally feel whole. I'm finally satisfied with my life...more than that I'm happy with my life.

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.

The smile fades from his face as he takes his hand and begins to run his thumb along my jawline. His eyes follow his hand and then they look up to meet mine.

"I love you." He breathes out softly.

My heart explodes and I gasp slightly but it's not audible.

My mouth opens as my mind tries to form a reply.

"Before you say anything, I want you to know that I don't expect a reply. I want you to tell me when your ready, whether that means in five minutes or five years. I don't want you to say it now just because I did." He smiles and then pulls me into him.

What scares me the most about this is that a moment ago I was about to reply, but I have no idea what I was going to say. There are so many things I should be saying right now. So many things I need to say.

The flashback figuratively and literally knocks the wind out of me. I drop to my knees on the sidewalk and stare at the ground below my palms.

I know what it was. I just admitted to myself what it was all those months ago. The thing that registered within me, the something that clicked deep inside of me, the light that turned on, the thing I was going to say to him before he interrupted me.

I was going to tell him I loved him.

I loved him so much. And maybe then I wasn't ready to say it but...I think I am now.

No, I know I am now.

Nina is gone, Ben is gone, my denial is gone, all that's left is the ever-present truth that I am irrevocably in love with Niall.

I don't care that we aren't good for each other.
I don't care that being near him only hurts me.
I don't care that we can never be just friends or more than friends.
I don't care that people tell me to stay away.
I don't care.