i stand here, angry.
angry, because for some reason, tonight,
i feel the weight of adulthood heavy on my shoulders
i feel my memories turning into dreams
and my reality is not the present, it's the future
like i've turned onto the road of 'the rest of my life'
and there's no way i can turn around.
i'm afraid.
i'm afraid because i fear the world that surrounds me.
i wake up in the morning and observe it,
expanding, spinning, breathing before my eyes
it engulfs light and spits out darkness and hatred
i don't want to be a part of it
i don't want to be a part of it.
i stand here
because i feel like the future is a thief
and time is its accomplice
and it steals seconds and minutes and precious moments from me
like a hungry boy steals bread
and not only time
but pieces of me
sometimes i look in the mirror
and i realize that i am no longer the girl you once loved.
and it scares me
because if i am not my past
i don't know who i am.
i am growing up
and it doesn't feel like growing to me
it feels like curling up, withering away, and death
i am separating from my youth and the things i loved
for a future that is heavy and wanting.
and when fear and anger steal my breath as well,
when i am at my weakest,
i just remember looking at you, and feeling my loveliest
in my youth.
i don't remember who i am.
