reasons why you can never get over me:
1. those girls will never possess the thin fingers I have; the thin wrists. hands you remember along the course of your jaw, along the frayed edges of your heart. these hands that quietly played the piano and pulled gently at your mind, hands that fondly ran fingers through your hair. they don't have these hands. these hands are mine.
2. those girls are cold. you will never go home to them, to their hearth. they will never take you into their arms just to keep you warm, just to cleanse your tired soul. they will never chase off the night as they sit next to your bed and just read, fingers lightly intertwined with yours just to remind you that they're there. they can't chase off the shadows with the candles they have in their eyes. these flames are real, and I smell like home.
3. those girls don't have a mind as sharp as a knife. they will never challenge you, or argue with you, or teasingly kiss the frowns from the corners of your mouth. they will never love you so fully; encompassing every part of you like the thickest honey. they will never gently correct you, they will never kindly, sweetly, carefully, tuck in the parts of your heart that are broken. only I can. I keep the shards of your soul in my pockets, just in case you ask for them back.
4. those girls can hike up their skirts and kiss you brazenly like it doesn't matter, but you liked me best when my hair was a curly mess and I was shy when you said I looked beautiful. you will never look at them the way you looked at me, when I was sitting next you, and you were running your hand through my hair with a gaze as sharp as steel— until your fingers grazed the side of my neck and the point of my bare shoulder. and you tried to come up with something to say, but your voice had disappeared inside your throat.
5. they will never make you laugh so hard it feels like you're missing a lung. they will never drag you into the rain and dance, they will never coerce you into an adventure, they will never be your best friend before your lover, they will never play pranks on you and pull the laughter out of you on the worst days. they will never share those looks we did whenever we knew something was up, they will never cause trouble and escape with makeshift adrenaline and hearts trading youth.
6. you're not looking for a girl to give you her body, though you can find plenty who want to. you want someone to spin you stories and paint your dreams; you want someone who wakes up early to drink tea in the sleepiest golden hours of morning, you want someone to hold you when you can't hold yourself.
7. don't look for me where you look for them. if you scratch the surface of night and have them clinging to your fingernails, I will be amongst the first signs of day. waiting, just waiting patiently, for you to tenderly touch my face and say:
it's you. it's always been you.
a/n: "the sun and her flowers" is out and I don't think I've ever wanted something so much
