Josilyn POV
one week later
••••
Sammy smiled as a single droplet of water rolled down his forehead and dripped off his nose.
I gave a small smile in return, gently wiping it away as he frowned up, scrunching his nose as he did. Then his hands lifted up and he splashed it into the water, smiling again.
"Oh you're such a happy boy," I whispered.
I let him splash as I covered him in more suds, "Mommy's happy boy."
Mommy wants to be happy for you too, sweetie.
Louis was resting his head on top of his hands on the edge of the tub, silently watching us like he'd been for the past 15 minutes when he found me in here in the first place. I was both surprised and uncomfortable when he stayed. We'd been arguing non-stop for weeks now, and furthermore, this was Sammy and I's time.
I valued the quietness.
The water splashed onto Louis's face again, and he wiped it away before resting his head down again.
Then he broke the silence. "You can't stay in here forever."
He was teasing, but I heard the touch of worry in his voice. It'd been there a lot lately. Or maybe it was agitation.
"I know."
"I was thinking we eat take-out tonight. You okay with that?"
At the sound of my family going out without me, I wanted to freeze up and cry. Instead, I licked my lips and sprinkled water over Sammy's head, watching him smile and touch his face as water slid down his cheeks.
More loneliness etched at me while I forced out an answer.
"Yeah. We'll be fine," I said. "Maybe he'll even go to sleep after this."
A beat of silence.
"We'd love it if you came with us, Jo," he added quietly, as if afraid of starting an argument.
But he somehow did anyway. His words amazingly started an argument with me from me. Something in me got angry that he even put out suggestion. I then closed my eyes, forcing it back, angry I was getting angry. I barely had a rein on my own emotions anymore. Yet again, I'm satisfied with nothing.
"I have to put him to sleep."
"He can come with us," he said, and I began to shake my head. "We have the carrier for a reason. At least think about it."
"You know Sam'll start crying as soon as he leaves my chest, Louis."
"Honey, we haven't left the house since we brought Sammy home weeks ago."
I clenched my jaw, not liking the accusation in his voice, "I'm not keeping you here."
"You know we're not going anywhere without you."
I looked at him, "Then what the hell do you want me to say? I'm sorry I have to take care of our son?" I exclaimed, and he exhaled.
"Oh my gosh, Jo, stop. Why do you always have to make it into an argument?"
"You always do this–"
"Did you eat anything today?"
Water continued to fall down Sammy's face, but he was no longer smiling. And neither was I.
I lifted him out of the water. "Take him, please."
Louis took the naked baby boy out of my hands, and I pulled the plug from the water. I stood out of the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around me. After tucking it closed, I opened my arms again for him, already feeling anxious at his loss, but Louis kept him pressed to his chest.
