Helplessly [J.T] :AU:

•Twelve•

Jax's POV:

I woke up and looked beside me to notice the blonde laying in my bed. My heart sank as I recalled how that played out before I got blackout drunk and slept with her. The look on Mel's face was a lot to take in. This entire time she's thought I'm some nice guy when I'm really a piece of shit. She doesn't know how many women I've been with over the years. Then again I don't think she cares. She lives in the moment more than anyone else I know.

But to see the light leave her eyes for the first time since I've known her is appalling. Knowing I'm the reason why makes me completely disgusted with myself. The girl is young and doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to live the life style I live and doesn't deserve the heartbreak that I put her through.

I sat up on the edge of the bed and started putting my boxers on. As I got up I heard a knock on the door. I went to open it and see who it was to find her standing behind that door. I felt my stomach turn seeing the mascara that stained her cheeks. She looked up at me with her sad, sleepless eyes and drew back her fist. Before I could react she punched me in the face.

All I could do was stand there and look at her. Part of me wanted to hold her and let her beat me and tell me how much of a piece of shit I am. The other part of me wanted to sit her down and lecture her on how I'm not good for her and what kind of person I really am. But I just stood there, I could here the girl in my bed starting to wake but I chose to ignore it.

"Next time, don't try to save me," her words came out with vile and venom lacing them.

"I'm sorry," are the only words I could muster up and I knew they meant nothing to her.

She spat at the ground before my feet and turned on her heel and walked away. I wasn't mad at her but it hurt and that's something that I didn't want to feel. I've known her a month and she's able to make my world crash. I looked over my shoulder at the girl on the edge of my bed and I was even more disgusted with myself. But she got the hint and was getting ready to leave.

"Good morning," she spoke up.

"If that's what you wanna call it," I spoke in a harsh tone as I sat on the edge of my bed.

"Thanks Jax, I'll see ya later." She said softly as she kissed my cheek and grabbed her purse.

"You won't." I muttered.

The blonde just looked at me and pouted as she turned to leave she knew better than to say anything else. As she shut the door behind her I was running my fingers through my hair. After the door shut my fist slammed into my dresser nearly creating a hole.

I got up knowing I needed a shower and went into my bathroom. I turned the hot water on stripping my boxers off and climbed in. The steam on my face felt nice as the hot water hit my body. I tipped my head back soaking my hair.

When I finished with my shower I turned the water off and grabbed a towel wrapping it around my waist. I walked out to my dresser and began searching for clean clothes. My selection was rather limited because I needed to do laundry. Just as I found boxers and slipped them on someone came barreling into my room. I saw that it was my mother as I slipped a white v-neck t-shirt on. I grabbed my last pair of clean jeans and slipped those on as well.

"What the fuck Jackson," she stated rather calmly for the amount of anger that filled her eyes and facial expression.

"I know mom," I raised my eyebrows looking back at her.

"Oh no, you clearly don't know you selfish prick. Melody came to my house at 1am crying her little eyes out over you boy." My mother loved prying into my personal life, she always has and always will. I wanted to be mad at Melody but I couldn't.

"I'm not always the best decision maker isn't that obvious?"

"It sure is Jackson. Because while your out there fucking whatever easy piece of ass comes your way this girl just sits by waiting. You've known her a month Jax and she hasn't ran for the hills. She's head over heels for you and you fuck up by bringing some blonde bimbo back to the clubhouse!" At this time my mother was toe to toe with me and yelling in my face. I felt like a child getting in trouble all over again. I just nodded.

"I hope you're ashamed of yourself," she looked me up and down and shook her head as she walked out of the room.

"Yes ma'am."

I grabbed the keys to my bike and slipped my cut on. I needed wind therapy and freedom right now. It's the only way I knew I'd be able to think straight. The only way I could figure out how to fix the damage I've done.

But I didn't know that there are somethings that you just can't fix.