Behind These Walls I Built

Chapter 19 - He knew

Chapter 19 – He knew

     "Everything inside you just... shines. There's like a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through, but you just bury it inside of you." He told me, his eyes seeing right through my soul, and yet, he doesn't seem to know everything about me. If only I could tell him, if only he knew who I truly was, if only he could still say that even after he knew my dark side... but he doesn't.

     He has no idea what he's saying at all, but soon he will. Then, he won't think I'm that perfect, fearless and beautiful like he said anymore. He won't be giving me those caring and sweet eyes I love.

     "Why don't you see that?" He asked me, and wanting to grab my arm but I hurry flinch away before he could touch me. I didn't want him to make me feel weak again. "Ash, stop-" I told him but realize that my plan was going smoothly. This was what I want... wasn't it? For this moment to happen, so then we could link our minds, like how I wanted. What am I doing? It's working. Why did I flinch away?

     "I'm sorry,” Ash apologized, “I know this is new information to you, and I shouldn't just grab your arm like that, I bet you feel uncomfortable right now-"

     "It's alright," I said almost in a whisper, and closed my eyes for the briefest of moment, and when I opened it, Ash was now right in front of me as he brushed my hair away from my eyes. He was gazing at me like I was the perfect girl he was looking for. Something inside me died. I felt something I never felt before – I felt special. He made me feel special, and somehow, the way he looked at me, it feels like I really am… at least to him.

     When he tilted my chin up, the slight touch had sparks everywhere inside me as I looked at his beautiful eyes, and I knew there was no backing out with my feelings now. It's trapped; it's too late to get out now.

     Suddenly, there was a soft voice like a wind that asked, 'do you love me too?' I knew it was Ash; I knew we can talk through our minds now; I also knew that our minds are now connected, meaning it was time to find the truth that has been hidden away from me, and from everybody.

     I didn't want to pry, it didn't feel right, but then again, has anything I done lately feels right? This is business, I have to do it. I wonder why he would love me, of all people, me. A girl who build walls and has guards up so high, who has a heart of steel, who would never let anyone in – me. He has everything a girl wants, he could easily pick a gorgeous and sweet girl, and yet, me.

     'Do you love me?' The same voice asked again, with a bit of hopefulness that I would feel the same way too. I would've said yes, I would've have nod my head eagerly and kiss him and everything will be just fine, but I couldn't. I don't express my feelings, it's not that simple for me like it is for other people, and I even have trouble saying it to Aunt Sarah even though I love her dearly.

     I try not to love anybody, because when I do, I'm putting my trust on them, and there would be one day where they'll leave me for good. I would be crushed into a million of pieces; I didn’t want to have that enduring pain. I don't want myself to be in that position. It'll hurt, real bad.

     He was so close to me I could feel his heat radiating from his skin, so warm and nice... safe. It was so nice to be in his arms. I love his wonderful scent and felt like nuzzling to his neck and breathing it in, pulling him closer to me, wishing I could stay like this forever.

     You got a plan, Dawn. Stick with it.

     I suddenly came back to my senses, and decided to talk to him so I could pry on his secrets while he’s busy talking back to me. I had to keep him occupied. 'I just think what we have doesn't feel right.' I mentioned to him, even though inside I had never felt so right in my life. It was the only thing that felt right lately. 

     After I said that, I quickly searched his mind like flipping the pages of a photo album. When I look through, I found out everything he said to me was true, he wasn't kidding. He was completely serious when he said I was beautiful, special, and everything he had told me. His feelings and emotions are all there, not hiding away from anything, just floating at mid air, not even scared if I did hurt them.

     Then suddenly, I saw something and when I took a closer look at it, I realize it was the first day we met, when I was at his house. When he saw me for the first time, he was so full of wonder and puzzlement. He was wondering who the beautiful girl was leaning on his door. He wanted to talk to her and get to know her better, wishing Aunt Charlotte wasn't in the way. He just kept glaring at her, mesmerized.

     He could tell she didn't want to be here at all, and when Aunt Charlotte mentioned if both of them could walk to school together, he wanted to nod his head immediately, but then realize it would be too desperate. He didn't want her to think he was desperate. So he just followed her and denied as well, when secretly he wished they could.

     I never knew...

     'Dawn?' A voice questioned, suddenly curious of the sudden change of mood.

     'Sorry, I'm just amazed you would love me,' I answered, hoping I'm not off topic. When he started talking again and I knew I wasn't, I immediately started searching again while his voice trailed at the back. I didn't see much, but something caught my eye. It was when he found me at the pathway badly injured, going to pass out soon. When I saved a girl and killed a vampire.

     He was so scared when I passed out in his arms.

     "It's alright, I'll make it better, I promise." Those soothing words were said to me even though I couldn't hear it since I had already passed out as he carried me up bridal style. He ran to the nearest hospital with me in his arms, thankful it wasn't far away at all and it was visible. The relief he had when my eyes opened, taking in where I was, the hospital. He took care of me and I didn't even know he cared about me so much.

     'You cared about me so much,' I said suddenly, my voice soft and shaky as I looked at those eyes that held so much emotion.

     'Won't you when you love somebody?'

     I gave him a heart-warming smile, falling deeper in love with him. He doesn't deserve me at all, after everything I had done to him. He's sweet, kind, patient, understanding, and I'm... I'm everything he isn't. We're from two very different worlds, we're nothing similar.

     When he gave me back a smile that showed his teeth, I realize his teeth was very straight, but then his mind suddenly send me a picture of him when his normal teeth were like a canine's and his face was pale. Then suddenly, all the pictures were right in front of me, all of it was when he was feeding. All of the pictures were signaling – vampire, vampire, vampire.

     I didn't know why but all of it was involved with animals, not humans. He was kneeling down to feed the animal, and taking in the place, I realize it was the woods. So my assumptions were right, he was feeding there.

     The pictures moved faster until I couldn't catch up anymore, I felt my heart sinking and it was like someone was suffocating me. When I couldn’t take it anymore, it stopped and all I could see was Ash looking at me, like he was in pain.

     Our minds weren't linked anymore; both of us weren't even in each other's arms. I kept glaring at him, breathing heavily and rapidly, trying to catch my breath.

     “I know what you saw, Dawn, and I know who you really are, your intentions, I knew it long ago-" He replied, and he somehow looked like a stranger to me. His words hit me cold and hard. What did he mean by he knew it long ago? Oh no, don't tell me he knew who I was-

     "-Dawn the vampire hunter." Ash finished and I swore my heart stopped.

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