everything is red [jd.tj]

ch. 13

Tyler
My voice cracked, like I expected it to. I haven't talked in a long time, but he needed to hear me. Something told me to speak, so I did. He looked at me in disbelief. I wasn't going to repeat myself, but instead I just nodded towards the door. He looked hesitant.

"I- no, what's wrong? Write it down." He said, looking more determined. But I wrote it down anyways.

I'm scared
"Why?"
I'm scared of you
He was silent, so I added on.
Please don't tell anyone about why I don't speak, or that I just spoke to you at all. Please stop hurting me, I can't take it and neither can my mom.

He looked up at me after reading my words.

"Okay."

I was walking to school, except this time, I wasn't alone. Josh was quietly walking beside me, his hands in his pockets and his sunshine hair flowing perfectly in the wind. I smiled at the thought of him looking like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. That one scene where she's on the rocks singing. I would talk to him if I could, but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth.

When my mom saw him at our front doorstep this morning, she was beyond angry. Zack and I literally had to hold her back from attacking him. But I was writing with Zack last night and told him some things. Let's just say he now knows about my slight crush on the tulip-haired boy walking beside me. I know I shouldn't like Josh, especially considering the things he's done to me and Hayley, but he's been very nice lately, which makes me happy. I want to be his friend, but I know that is a big long shot, and even if we were, it would most likely be secret friends. I don't really blame him if he wants that.

"So Tyler, I was wondering, if you uh, wanted to become friends?" I turn my attention towards him and smile, nodding happily. He giggles. Oh wait, he fucking giggles. And his tongue sticks out just a bit, making me blush for some odd reason.

I just hope this isn't too good to be true.

We soon approach the school, no words being spoken between us. It was very awkward at first, but as we kept walking, it gradually got better. But it's not like I could break the silence?

I start to go into autopilot mode, making it where I don't show any emotion because apparently when I do, it means I'm gay. Which I think I might be, but god forbid if anyone truly finds out. I expect Josh to walk away, but he doesn't. Maybe it's because we have the same first period with Mr. Way, but still, he would usually be off by now. Of course though, my happiness just has to come to an end. I am suddenly pushed into a random locker, making me squeal in pain.

"Josh, is this fag messing with you? If so, I'll get him!"

"No need to do that dude, I was just about to lead him into the bathroom and give him a nice swirly!" Josh laughs, making my stomach drop. I knew it.

"Well, why don't we do that know yeah?" Josh looks at me for split second, before replying.

"Hell yeah!" Josh yanks me by the arm, and drags me down the hall to the nearest bathroom, his friend following close behind. I get shoved into a bathroom stall and soon, my head is pushed into a toilet. I couldn't breathe. I tried kicking around but I was only getting weaker. I was starting to get to the point where my vision was fading, but luckily I was brought back up.

"Just fucking kill yourself already you piece of dick eating shit!" The other guys screams in my face. Tears start to brim my eyes, as he walks out.

"C'mon Josh, let's go." I look up at Josh, the tears already rolling hot on my cheeks. He mouths 'sorry' then quickly follows that asshole away.

I should've seen it. It was bound to happen at some point. I sigh in disappointment and get back up. I limp to the mirror, looking at myself in disgust. I need to go home, but I can't. So I just grab some soap and rub it on my face then washing and drying it off.

The bell already has rung a few minutes ago, so I'm already late. I limp to the classroom as well, knocking on the door lightly. Mr. Way opens it for me smiling, but it immediately drops when he sees me.

"Oh my god Tyler..." He pushes me out in the hallway, closing the door behind him.

'What happened?' He signs.

'I slipped and fell in the restroom. I'm alright.' I sign back. He looks unsure, but let's me in anyways, directing me to my seat. I see Josh, looking guilty as hell, which he should be. I'm glad he's feeling like shit for doing that. Oh my goodness, I just said shit inside my mind. What is this school doing to me?