[Ereri] The Screams that Saved my Sanity

13-Crash

-Eren's POV-

After I finished patching Levi up I helped him off the counter.
Of course he didn't like this, but I didn't care.
His size is the most adorable thing.
I really like his eyes, too. They are a steal gray that makes if feel like he can look into your soul.
Everything about him is perfect.
Hell, I knew that before I took off that stupid mask he always wore. I mean I know why he wore it but still...
I was missing out.
Ahhhhh. I can't stop thinking about you.
Why am I thinking about you?

I watched as he sat down on the couch while holding the back of his head.
I hope his head stops hurting soon.
I mentally kicked myself and thought of something to distract me from my thoughts.
"Do you have any cigarettes?"
His face twisted in disgust.
"God no. Why would I pollute my body with that? How am I supposed to clean my lungs? Those things kill."
"I know, you're right. I just felt like having one. Haven't you at least tried one?" I asked as I sat beside him.
"No, and you shouldn't either. It's disgusting and bad for you."
"Fine. No more cigarettes."
"Tch, good."

I sighed and rested my head on the backboard of the couch.
"I forgot how nice it is to sleep on something other than the floor." I chuckled.
Levi didn't.
Instead he shifted his body towards me and grabbed my hand. All he had to do was look at me and I was locked into his eyes. "Eren...I'm so, so, sorry for what I did to you. I'm disgusted with myself. I couldn't stop. If I could I would've! You know that right?!" He looked at me with eyes full of worry. I remembered how he was last night.

"Yeah, I know." I reflexively squeezed his hand. "Just...just don't do what you did last night again."
He looked at our intertwined hands.
"I won't." He let a shaky breath out, "I hate this. I hate this damn addiction. Sometimes it creeps up on me out of nowhere...strangling me from behind before I can do anything about it. It's like a mosquito bite. You tell yourself not to itch it because you know that will only make it worse...but eventually you can't help it...I couldn't help it. I can't..." I tried to look into his eyes but his hair hid them from view.

I felt my heart starting to beat faster.
"Levi...you really scared me last night." He looked up at me again. His eyes still full of concern and worry. "I'm sorry I did that to you. I panicked when you were trying to stop me so I pointed the gun. I thought I was going to hurt you!" He let go of my hand and showed his hands to me. "My hands wouldn't stop shaking. It's what happens when I don't...hurt anyone for awhile. If you got near me I could've snapped. I...I could've hurt you again. I could've killed you."
I grabbed his hand again.
"I wasn't talking about that." His once worried expression changed to confusion.

"Last night, I was so excited when you told me I could leave. I couldn't wait to see Mikasa and my friends. But when I looked at you that night I couldn't. I couldn't leave you." I felt my hands beginning to tremble. "I was terrified that you were going to put that gun to your head and pull the trigger. I was terrified. And I have absolutely no idea why." I felt a tear drop from my cheek.
"You kidnapped me, beat me up, and tortured me. You locked me up in a basement and tied me up. You made me sleep on the cold floor..." I could see that Levi was getting upset. It looked like he was fighting back tears.
"But...you also saved my life, cooked for me, ate with me, talked with me, joked around with me, let me talk to my friends and sister," I smiled at him, "When I had a nightmare you held me and told me it was okay." I chuckled,  "Every Friday you would buy us pizza without any of the toppings you liked because I didn't like them. And one night you wrapped a blanket around me because I told you I was cold."
Now Levi was crying.
But you know what?
So was I.
"Levi, you are the nicest kidnapper this world has ever seen!" I laughed. This made him chuckle.
"And regardless of what you or what anyone else says: You are not a monster." I pulled him closer to me, "You are not a psychopath. You are not a disgusting freak. And you most certainly are not a monster." I held his hands up so that he could look at them. "See? Your hands aren't shaking anymore." I looked at his hands and more tears fell down his face.
"I-I-I still can't believe it..." He closed his eyes for a moment and opened them with a serious expression. He let go of my hands.

"Nonetheless, we don't know if I will snap a month from now, a week from now, or even an hour from now. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. If you really want to help me, Eren, then leave. Call the police. Maybe being behind bars will help me with...this."
"No. No, I won't do it. There is no way I'm going to call the police on you. I know you can fight this."I said with desperation in my voice.

I know you can, Levi. I just know it.

"Eren I--"
I had no idea what he was going to say.
Frankly, I didn't want to know.
All that mattered was this moment.

The moment I crashed my lips onto his.

A/N

Yo
Sorry this was shorter than normal. I was procrastinating writing a make out scene. Sorry if it's cringey.
Thanks for reading.
Peace out.