Not Telling Anyone

We'll Be Okay

"He won't do it?" Isaac asked the next day at lunch.
           "No he kept saying that she doesn't deserve it, and blah blah blah. I know where he's coming from and that she definitely doesn't deserve to have her demands met, but I feel like I could get something out of visiting her," I expressed. 
         "Your dad's okay with you doing it?" He asked.
          "Yeah he's good with it. His only things were to get out if she tries pulling something and to bring someone with who'll be able to detect if it's getting bad or not," I explained.
           "Oh I see. So who's going?" He asked inquisitively.
           "I was wondering if you'd go. You don't have to, I could always ask Ariel or someone, but that would mean I have to tell my friends," I mumbled.
        "It's okay, I'll go with you," he said shutting my rambling up with a laugh.
       "Thank you," I breathed and leaned on his shoulder. "It's this Saturday. You don't have a game or anything?"
       "Nope, it's on Friday. You going?" He asked hopefully.
       "Of course, well actually we have to play pep band," I replied.
       "Even better, I love hearing you play your flute."
       "I play piccolo for pep band," I smirked.
       "Oh no! My ears are going to fall off!" He exclaimed dramatically.
       "Hey!" I exclaimed laughing and jabbing him in the side with my elbow. "It's not that bad for you. You're not playing the darn thing."
       "It's really loud."
       "It's not my fault that flutes are incredibly quiet and the people in my section don't know how to play out, so I have to play the piccolo otherwise you'd never hear most of the melody. So gosh!"
       He laughed, "I'm just messing with you."
       "I know."
       "So will you cheer for me?" He asked leaning closer to me.
       "Don't I always?"
       He leant even closer touching our lips together.
      It's funny. I used to hate the idea of kissing. It was gross and disgusting in my mind. I'd always look away when I saw kissing in real life and movies, but then Isaac came along. I could never get sick of this. The way his lips were soft, warm, and gentle. The way his hands held my face carefully or gripped my waist ever so slightly. Nothing sexual like people want now-a-days it was simply a kiss. A way to express love for someone without all the other worries.
      My friends would have a cow if they found out I had become comfortable with something I found so nasty. Then again they don't even know I've had my first kiss or first relationship... Oh well they'll find out eventually.
       We pulled away, our foreheads pressed together.
        "I love you so fucking much," he breathed.
        I smiled, but a thought flickered in the back of my mind. Why? Why does he love me? What have I done to deserve him? What have I done for him to get him to love me? I've done nothing, but be a nuisance with the constant drama that is my life. I shoved it aside. "I love you too."
  
          .                 .                    .

    The next day, Wednesday, Isaac had what he called the world's worst migraine and stomach ache due to eating gas station sushi. I told him not to, but he wouldn't listen to me. He was hungry and didn't care about the smell. So now he knows, don't eat sketchy looking sushi.
       Anyways, we were almost late for school since I made Ash stop at Isaac's so I could check on him. We had gotten to school right as the first bell rang at 8:04 signalling that we had six minutes to get to class. Lucky for us we had band, which was diagonally across the cafeteria. We got to the music hall, I grabbed my flute, he grabbed his drumsticks, and we got to our spots just in time for the second bell to ring. That doesn't matter though because Mr. Wilson wouldn't enter the band room for another three minutes.

After 4th hour I stopped at my locker to change my books and headed to lunch. I almost forgot where the table was considering I hadn't gotten lunch since a week-ish before winter break.
As I approached the table something was different. Someone new was sitting in between Micaela and Ariel, my spot. I didn't recognise this person. I'd like to know who my friends gave my seat to though.
      When I got close Katie looked up and exclaimed, "hey you're here!"
       "Yeah my tutor said that I deserve a break from studying since semester finals are tomorrow and Friday," I lied.
       "You've sure been studying a lot. I thought you were doing fine?" Mallory asked.
       "I haven't been seeing a tutor to necessarily help learn things and catch up it's to help me find a study pattern that works for me since we're at that time of the year where my dyslexia likes to especially drive me up the walls and I can't focus worth shit,"
I explained. It wasn't a total lie. I do have a tutor that helps me find study patterns that work for each subject since along with depression and anxiety I also have dyslexia, which is an awful learning disability that makes words fly around the page and makes it difficult to concentrate on one thing at a time. I saw the tutor every Monday after school not everyday during lunch.
       "Okay that makes sense now," Lauren said nodding her head. "I was like 'she doesn't need a tutor she's one of the top of our class'."
       "Yeah, no just study recommendations, so that I may maintain that status," I shrugged.
       "Oh yeah Kat this is Anna! She's just moved up here from southern Wisconsin. She's in my math class, so I invited her to join us," Micaela explained.
      "Nice to meet you," the new girl, Anna, said holding out her hand.
      "Likewise," I said shaking her hand.
      "Sorry Kat, your chair was the only one left so we had Anna sit there considering your tutoring," Lisa explained.
       "That's okay. Is there any other chair around?" I asked. They glanced around.
        "I don't see any, other than where Isaac's friends are. Isn't that where he used to sit before he stopped coming to lunch too?" Ariel pointed out.
        "Stopped coming to lunch?" I asked with fake curiosity.
        "Yeah, 'round the same time you stopped we assumed you guys were in the same place considering how you got math help together earlier this year," Micaela said.
        "I haven't seen him much, only during 4th hour," I shrugged. "Anyway, I don't see any chairs." They shook their heads meaning they didn't see any either. "I guess I'll just go to the music hall. See you guys later."
           I walked away, they didn't even try and stop me or say anything after that. Figures. I knew I was replaceable I just didn't think they actually would do it. It might be my fault that I didn't go to lunch, but maybe I would've told them by now if they were really concerned with how I've been these past few months. I don't know. They didn't even make an effort to find a chair. They haven't made an effort to talk to me anymore. Heck even Ariel's surprise visits were becoming a rarity.
I walked into the practice room and sat on the corner. I tucked my knees into my chest and placed my elbows on them and my head on my arms. I let out a big sigh. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. Scrolling through my contacts, I pressed Isaac's name hit call. It rang a few times before he picked up.
"You've reached the home ouch, ouch, and more ouch. How may I help you?" He groaned.
"Did I wake you?" I asked.
            "Who sleeps when they feel the need to throw up every five seconds, but can't actually throw up, so you run to the bathroom for no reason?" he grumbled.
             "Well if you need to throw up maybe I should hang up?" I teased.
             "No! No! Don't leave I'm bored and my friends only text me and I can't read worth shit right now, or look at a screen for more than a couple seconds, so thank you for calling please don't go," he begged.
             I giggled, "don't worry I'm not going."
             "Yay!" He cheered like a child. "Are you in lunch right now?"
             "Yes I am," I answered.
             "Aren't you going to go sit by your friends?" He asked kind of concerned.
             "I'm not hungry, and  I wanted to check up on you," I lied.
             "You could've waited until after school to do that. Why don't you go out by your friends. I can wait," he said kindly.
             "But-"
             "No buts, just go," he demanded.
             "Fine. I'll see you later," I sighed.
             "I'll see ya then. Love ya."
            "Love ya too."
            The line went dead and I quickly dialled Ash.
"What?" He said annoyed.
               "You doing open campus today?" I asked.
               "I was just leaving," he said.
               "Can I come? Please?" I begged.
               "You have two minutes to get out to the truck," he sighed.
            "Yay! Thank you!" With that I hung up and exited the practice room, walked through the cafeteria to the main entrance, signed out, and ran to the truck. 
            "Where to?" I asked.
            "Culvers," he replied.
            "Yes!" I exclaimed. Maybe not being able to sit at my table isn't all bad.

           After school Ash dropped me off at Isaac's. Originally it was only supposed to be a check up, but his parents were both working late that night, so I figured that he's spent enough of the day alone eventually he might want to try and eat something, plus my grandma's recipe for her "sick tea" as she calls it will help any stomach ache you have. She claims that's how she was able to give birth to twins with no problem. I'll believe it when I see it. My birth giver went the c-section route for Ash and I. The doctors just haaad to pull him out first. Also didn't help that he was apparently laying on me. Anyways!
          We were sitting in Isaac's room with all the lights off. I sat up against the headboard and he was laying down with his head snuggled into my leg while I gently rubbed his head, using a pattern similar to the one my grandma would use on Ash and I when we were little.
          "Now I know why you like it when I play with your hair," he mumbled.
          "See? I'm not weird."
          "Well," he paused. "That's debatable."
          "Hey!" I exclaimed and flicked  his ear.
          "Ow! Babe! Migraine!" He whined.
          "You poor baby, that's why you don't eat gas station sushi and insult the girl that's rubbing your head."
          "Whatever," he chuckled. "So what all happened today?"
          "Hmm...," I pondered. "I was almost late to school. Scott and Jared decided to bug me after band. I-"
          "Bugged you?" He asked curiously. "About what?"
          "Oh nothing bad," I assured him. "They were just saying things like; 'you almost broke your perfect attendance record!' 'Did you hear that Isaac's sick today?' 'You know he's been a little off lately. He doesn't go to lunch anymore and he doesn't hang out in the morning anymore. Same with you, we never see you at your table anymore.' To which I said 'I've been doing homework, I don't know about him.' I don't know, I think your friends are smarter than you think."
        "Well those two are also your friends so they kind of get a little bit of both sides of this thing. I don't know. Whatever, they can think all they'd like, but I don't think they'll actually come to the right conclusion."
            "That is true."
"Maybe we should attend lunch again. We're starting to get a little distant from our friends and we don't want that. We see each other a lot. A whole forty-five minutes less won't kill us. Right?"
Well you know, I no longer have a place at my table anymore and my friends could actually give a shit about my existence, but yeah.
"Right," I agreed.
He snuggled into my leg further, "we'll be okay."
"Yes we will."