Not Telling Anyone

Just Keep Breathing

When we arrived at the hospital, I parked in the closest, non-handicap parking spot. Turning the car off I hopped out, and opened Isaac's door for him. We enter the emergency room door, and walked over to the receptionist. Isaac gave me a weary look, since I can't talk to people, but this is an emergency, his arm is more important than my anxiety.
"Hi, what seems to be the problem?" she asked.
"He was playing hockey, and a person from the other team shoved rather hard, and he landed on his arm wrong and it broke. The athletic trainer was able to snap it together," I explained.
"Oh yikes. Okay so I'll contact a doctor, and while you wait if you could please fill this out it would be very helpful," she said.
"Okay thanks," I said taking the clipboard and pen, and walked with Isaac to the waiting room.
After 15 minutes of me asking Isaac the questions from the questionnaire, and writing down his responses. I gave it to the lady, and sat back down with Isaac. He seemed to be getting worse, his skin was hot and sweaty as he leaned his head back on the chair.
"Hey, is it getting worse?" I asked.
"I think my blood sugar's low," he mumbled. My eyes widened significantly. Oh shit. His glucose tablets are in his car.
I got up, and approached the lady again.
"The doctor will-" she was being nice, but I couldn't wait.
"I understand the doctor will be out, but he's diabetic, and we think his blood sugar is low," I urged.
"Oh okay," she picked up the phone and said some colour code over the intercom. She put the phone down, and looked at me. "They should be here in any second."
"Thank you," I said, and headed back to Isaac who looked paler by the second. I sat next to him, and grabbed his good hand. "Isaac, they'll be here any second okay?" I spoke gently.
He nodded his head not bothering to open his eyes. He leaned onto my shoulder and reached up and ran my fingers through his sweaty hair. Yes, it was gross, but I was trying to soothe in some way. A few minutes later  three doctors burst through the door pushing a gurney.
"Isaac Lance?" one of the asked.
"RIght here," I said, rubbing his shoulder. "Isaac, the doctors are here."
He nodded, and I helped him stand as they brought the gurney over. I set him on it, and two of them wheeled him off, while one stayed behind.
"We're going to have to stabilize him before we can do anything with his arm. It could take awhile or not to long it all depends on his body. I'm going to need you to stay here until he is stabilized though," he explained. I nodded my head in understanding. "What's your relationship with him?"
I wasn't about to say friend because friends would be told to leave basically. I wanted the highest ranking I could get, and it's not like they're going to go around and that about a patient's girlfriend to people who outside of the hospital because of client confidentiality. "His girlfriend."
"Okay, so we'll let you know as soon as possible when you can go back and see him," he said.
"Okay thank you," I said. He smiled and disappeared behind the doors.
I sat down and took a deep breath, my leg bouncing up and down frantically.
I shakily pulled out my phone, scrolling through my contacts, I clicked on his mom's contact and called her. After a few rings she picked up.
"Hey Kat! What's up?" She asked.
I took a shaky breath in. I could feel it starting.
"Kat, what's wrong?" she asked, concern filling her voice.
"Isaac's in the hospital. A player from the other team crashed into him, and he fell on his arm, and it broke. So I brought him here, and we filled out that questionnaire out for them, and after that he was pale and sweaty and his eyes wouldn't stay open. So they took him back and they're stabilizing him," I rambled. I don't know if she could understand me, but this is how I get. Where's Mezzo when I need him?
"Thank you for letting me know. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm just about off work," she told me. She sounded calm, but I heard her take a sharp intake when I told her, and she took a deep breath before saying anything.
"Okay, I thought I'd just let you know," I was stuttering my words badly, I was shaking really badly.
"Thank you very much. I'm heading to my car right now. I should be there in a half hour," she assured me.
"Okay I'll see you then," I said with a small voice.
"Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"He'll be alright."
I took a breath and let it out, nodding my head. "I know."
"I'll see you in a bit."
"See you then."
"Bye."
The conversation clicked off. I looked around the room. There were other people here, and even worse some of them kept glancing my way. I looked the other direction. My breathing all over the place, my hands were shaking, and I was becoming panicked. I tried slowing down my breathing, but it wasn't working. I tried closing my eyes, and breathing for 5 seconds and breathing out for 5. I began to think. I needed someone to talk to, so I ran through my list of people who would be able to help me. Isaac's in some room in this hospital surrounded by strangers, barely conscious. I shook my head, thinking like that will only make it worse.
I continued down the list. My dad! Wait, no he's at a movie, the cinema has no signal. Asher's, playing hockey. Ariel's puking her guts out. Linda is at the movie with my dad. Scott, Jared, and Jack are at pep band. My other friends aren't really being friends. Wait! Wesley!
        I got up and went outside. I needed air and to get away from people. I sat on a bench outside the door. Breathing in the cold night air, I called Wesley.
        "Yo 'sup Kat?" He exclaimed.
        "What are you doing right now?" I asked.
        "Ah nothing. Laying on the couch in the Bungalow," he replied.
"Wait you up here?" I asked. The Bungalow is what he called his family's cabin that they had up here.
"Yeah, I didn't know we were coming. We just got here. I was actually just about to call you," he explained.
"Could you slip away?" I asked.
"Sure! Your house?" He asked.
"The hospital," I said, quietly.
The was a pause. "What happened?" I took a deep breath. "How about this. I'm on my way tell me in person."
"Okay," I said quietly.
"I'll be there in 5. Okay?"
"Yeah."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I clicked my phone off. I couldn't move. I sat there and stared at the ground.
"He'll be okay," I thought.
"Yeah, but..."   
And it started; the list of the worst possible things that could happen to him. That was only the beginning. The people who glanced in my direction. I had to talk to people. I was rude to that lady, she probably hates me. She was nice and I was rude to her. Now Wesley's coming to make sure I'm okay. I'm so selfish, why am I such an inconvenience? Couldn't have just left him alone, he was relaxing, couldn't have just let him do that huh? You're such a nuisance. Nobody likes you. You're friends replaced you with someone new. I'm pretty sure Isaac just pities you. Why would he love you huh? You're ugly and can't do anything right. You couldn't even drive him here without causing his arm to hurt worse, and you left his glucose tablets in the car, good job stupid.
I was shaking, no someone was shaking me, but I myself am still shaking. Wait what? Someone's yelling something. It sounds so far away. Finally I looked up. My vision, and hearing cleared, to see Wes kneeled on the ground in front of me, shaking my shoulders.
"Katrina! Came on Kat, snap out of it," he was saying frantically. I blinked, and shook my head a little. "Come on, Kat. You're doing it again, please focus on me." I looked into his blue eyes. "Okay, now I need you to stop scratching."
I tilted my head, what was he talking about? I felt a hand settle on my left hand. I looked down, Wes's hand sat on top of my left hand, which was clawing at my right arm. I mentally told it to stop, and it did. Wesley lifted up my now slackened hand, and sighed. My right arm was covered in scratches, and some were deep and bleeding. Wesley gazed at the raw skin, and looked up at me.
"Tell me what's wrong. Now," he said firmly.
I dropped my head. "Isaac's in there. He was playing hockey, and a player from the other team rammed into him, and he fell on his arm, and it broke. I brought him here, and it was only the arm, but then after like 15 minutes he was pale, and sweaty, and his breathing was elevated. His diabetes was kicking in. They brought him behind those doors, the ones that you're not allowed through. He's behind those doors, with a broken arm, barely conscious, and surrounded by strangers. There were people in the waiting room, and they kept looking at us, and-"
"Look at me," Wesley demanded gently. "Take a deep breath. You need to breath because I'm pretty sure you didn't breath through that whole thing."
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I took a shaky breath and looked him in the eye. I'm pretty sure I still looked panicked.
     "Hey, hey. It's okay," Wesley assured, putting a hand on my shoulder. "He'll be okay. You'll be okay. Those people were probably wondering what was wrong. And he's surrounded by doctors they know what they're doing it'll be okay."
     "I know, but-"
     "No buts. Everything will be okay."
     I took another breath and nodded my head. "Okay. Let's go."
     We got up and headed towards the doors. I rolled down my jacket sleeves down.
     "Kat, you're bleeding," Wes said sternly.
       "I'll take care of it. Plus it's cold," I said pushing the door and walking in. "I'm going to the bathroom be right back."
       I entered the one toilet bathroom and locked it. I took my jacket off, placed it on the hook, and l looked at my arm. Blood was running down it, I stood over the sink. I looked at my fingernails on my left hand. I didn't think they were that sharp, but I guess I haven't clipped my nails in a while. I turned on the sink and put my arm under the running water using my other hand to scrub my arm.
       I couldn't bring myself to look in the mirror. I looked everywhere, but at myself. I knew if I did, my thoughts would only get worse. I sighed. I was getting bad again. I brought myself to look in the mirror.
"Stop it. Now. You can't get this way again," I said, shakily.  I looked away immediately. If I hadn't I would've talked myself straight into another attack.
I took a deep breath, grabbed my jacket, and exited the bathroom.