Dork Diaries - A New Beginning Part 2

Life Keeps Going On

January 15th

Paulina Górska, her name keeps going through my mind.

Am I exaggerating?

I honestly think that I should be able to stop freaking out so much.

The problem is that I can't.

Even if I try, and I do try, I try hard.

Paulina Górska, mother of Faustina Górska, my best friend who died of a heart attack.

So what's your problem Nikki?
Shouldn't you be happy that she wants to see you, that she wants to talk to you?

It's not that easy, after Faustina...
You know what? Her name was Faustyna spelt with a "y".
I always spelt her name with an "i" though because I always found it easier.
She said that that was ok, but, I always knew that deep down she actually wanted me to spell her name with a "y", just how it's supposed to be.
So from now on I'm going to write her name with a "y", just how it's supposed to be.

So let me start that again...
After Faustyna died, I was broken, I didn't know what to do, she was my best friend for 8 years. I stopped going outside to play, even at break-time (recess) I wouldn't go outside, I just sat in the classroom all alone.
It was somewhere around 2 weeks after Faustyna died that Emily came over.
She told me that life keeps going on and that sulking will just make it worse.
She told me that it was hard for her too, she always played with Faustyna and I when she came over.

She helped me a lot, I stopped thinking about Faustyna so much, but any mention of her, even when I did as much as passed by her house I had to look away. I could barely think about her without breaking down.

That's why the mention of her mom's name made me start crying. Paulina was always kind and sweet, I should be happy that I might get to see her after 15 years.

"Life keeps going on and sulking will just make it worse." I can clearly hear Emily voice in my head.

She was right, life does keep going on.

I need to talk to Paulina.

Faustyna moved from Poland to the U.S.A at the age of 2.
We became best friends instantly.

She always went back to Poland for the Summer Holidays, Easter and Christmas. She always told me how great it was there and how one day she would bring me there with her.

After her death her parents moved to Arizona and shortly after we moved about an hour away from where we used to live.

I guess that they must've moved back close to where Emily lives recently.

I need to call Emily now, I need to tell her that when she sees Paulina or Kacper (Faustyna's Dad) to tell them that I would love to meet them.

I'm being honest, I would love to meet them.

But before I call Emily, I got three girls who need to be fed.

My stomach growls, ok make that four girls that need to be fed.

Just as I go into the kitchen I stop in my tracks.
"Life keeps going on" those words saved me, those words helped me get myself back up again, those words helped me decide that I'm ready to meet Paulina and Kacper.

When I call Emily after I feed the girls and eat something myself, I'm going to thank her for those words.

"Life keeps going on."

Yes it does.

We may feel like our world is crumbling around us but we can't spend our whole life sulking, we need to get out of our dark holes of grief, we need to know that it's ok to get help along the way. We need to know that sometimes we need that help and there is nothing wrong with that. We're not perfect.
We have flaws. We are allowed to feel sad. We are allowed to cry.
But we shouldn't sulk forever.
That way we will miss out on the good things that surround us.
And sometimes, we may be so upset that we do not see the good things. It happens. But we need to get back up again and keep going on.

Thank you for helping me Emily, you're an amazing cousin, I'm lucky to have you.