Awaken With Mistakes (GLP Book 2)

Chapter Eight- "Another Nightmare"

*Alan's POV*  | Apr 3, 2014 

It's been four hours of pure torture. Not physically, but damn well emotionally. I don't know why Austin always walks away. Am I annoying? Am I aggravating? Obnoxious? Bothersome?  

I need to stop over-thinking this. 

"Alan?" I'm startled by Shay's sudden voice and I immediately realize that he's been in the room the whole time. Well, if this isn't embarrassing! 

"I-I'm not o-okay," I sob. "I p-promise." [A/N: im so sorry but i had to] 

"Alan, he'll be back, you know he will," Shayley says in a comforting tone. I don't think that's true. He didn't come back to me ever previously, I was the one who crawled back to him. He accepted me back, but he never came back on his own. I can't crawl back, he's made his choice.

He's gone forever. 

"He won't be," I mumble, shaking my head.

"What makes you say that?" he questions. I sigh. 

"He's never come back willingly before," I state. "Only I have come back to him." 

"Don't you know how broken he was when you were gone those three years?" Shayley interrogates. I look down at my hands, twisting and fidgeting my fingers. 

"No," I whisper. 

"He was more subdued than you could imagine," he says, sighing in the process. "Alan, he wouldn't do anything. Absolutely nothing except stay there, sitting on that grimy old couch of his, staring at nothing. He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink. He'd rarely talk, but to himself. He ignored everyone, he never made any human interaction. It was like he was dead, but he was still alive. But he wasn't living. Think about it. He will come back. He needs you." 

"H-He d-does?" I stammer, blinking back tears. He was that broken all because I died? I've never had such an impact on someone, to shatter their lives. I didn't mean to do that, I didn't want to cause that. I wanted to end mine to vanquish his. I guess that didn't turn out how I planned it to. 

But still, it really flabbergasts me how I could have such an effect on someone else. How could I have deterierated Austin's life? I surely couldn't have ment that much to him. But he did propose to me? But he left me, multiple times. One time too many per my liking, but I don't matter to myself. Austin is the only one that matters. It's so astonishing how I, an unworthy, repugnant ginger that has nothing amazing about him, have so much influence on such a beautiful, wonderful man that's so astounding? I am nothing, I am so worthless. 

I don't even know what to think about myself. It's like I just exist, such insignificancy lies within me. I mean nothing. Void of emotion. 

I should write a song about this. 

"Alan, are you even listening to me?!" Shayley murmurs, clearly agitated that I hadn't been paying attention to him. 

"Hand me notebook and pen, now," I demand. Shayley looks taken aback at my sudden mood change, but I feel inspiration. I need to write now.

"Fine," he mutters, tossing my purple notebook covered in cat stickers and my mechanical pencil, and of course, it has cats. 

You cannot judge my love for cats. 

I flip open the notebook to a random page and begin to scribble down the lyrics that flow into my mind. 

Void of emotion, 

My life is moving in slow motion. 

Stop yourself, stop yourself, 

Don't tell me that you're back here for good. 

Simply you've misunderstood. 

How could you do this to me?

I've drifted across the sea, 

I'm lost in thought,

You can't save me.

I smile at my product. 

"I love this," I say proudly. Shayley perks his eyebrows and comes to see what I've written. 

"It's good, Al," he speaks, patting my back. 

"Void of emotion, my life is moving in slow motion," Shay begins to sing. He has such a beautiful voice. I'm honestly jealous. I cannot sing for shit. Literally, if I had to sing to save my life, I'd probably end up dead. 

"That sounds really good," I comment. Shayley smiles. 

"That's the most enthusiasm I've heard from you in years, Ash," he chuckles. I sigh.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. 

"There's no need, it's alright. It's kind of Austin's fault, but you need to talk to him," he says. 

"How? I'm stuck here, in this stupid fucking hospital!" I burst. 

"Ash, really, chill. I will make him talk to you." 

"He hates me," I whisper.

"No, he doesn't. Do you want another lecture from me?" he asks. I shake my head.

"No, Mr. I-Know-Everything-Bourget," I mutter. 

"I do not know everything," Shayley scoffs. 

"Mhm, Mr. I-Know-Everything," I reply. 

"Whatever," he sneers. I chuckle. 

"You're funny, Bourget," I say. 

"You too, Ash," he responds. I smile a genuine smile. 

"I'm tired," I whine. 

"Get some sleep," he aids. I roll my eyes. 

"Love you, Shay," I giggle. 

"Love you too, Ash. Goodnight," he whispers, kissing my forehead. 

"Goodnight," I reply and drift off to sleep. 

Can't wait for another nightmare.

-x-

Word Count: 977

its kinda short, i'm sorry :c 

hey whaddya know, shay's a bit close with alan eh? 

hmm this might go from Austlan Cashby to a Shaylan Bashby? 

hahahaha. no. 

maybe. 

sure why not? everybody loves shayley right hmmm. yeah. i think so, definately. 

Outline In Color is awesome, they have a song called "another nightmare" its awesome. 

GO CHECK IT OUT YO. 

im so sorry that this is a long author's note. 

love you thoooooo :3 um okay so yeah go now. 

oh hey ps. Whether, I is awesome too bc they contributed to a chapter in this book known as "Dreamcatcher" bc they have a beautiful song called that. 

GO CHECK IT OUUUUTTT YOOO YOOOO. 

okay im done now bye bye :*