Awaken With Mistakes (GLP Book 2)

Chapter 23- "Replace The Empty Space"

Apr 18, 2014 

"Alan, you fucking dumbass!" Shayley yells. He had been lecturing me for the past three hours. 

"I'm sorry, okay, I just don't want to get hurt again!" I state. He rolls his eyes.

"You just lost the love of your life, he came back to beg for another chance because he fucked up, and now you're just letting him leave? No, you're fucking forcing him out! Alan, don't you understand how difficult it is to understand you? You're going to die fucking alone if you don't risk the chance of being fucking hurt!" he hollers. I look at him. 

I guess he's right. I mean, I've hurt him before too by trying to make things better. But Shayley is right.. I should risk it or I will die alone. That is one of the thing's I've always feared. Dying alone. That, and spiders. But let's not talk about my spider phobia. 

 I look away from Shayley and direct my gaze to the floor. I feel the tears itching to break free from my eyes. I try to hold them back, try to blink them away, but I can't handle this much emotion anymore. 

Here comes the break down. 

"I shouldn't have done that," I whimper. I'm shaking terribly. "Can you please g-get him back?" 

"I'll try, but I'm not promising anything. Understand?"

"Yes."

-x-

"He's here."

Dear God, no need for those horrible memories again. Especially that dream from passing out, I don't need to go through that again.

"Hello, Austin," Shayley greets.

"You said you wanted to talk to me?" Austin asks.

"Actually, Alan wants to talk to you."

"Oh," he whispers. I can tell just from his voice that he's really upset. WhathaveIdone?

"He's in the bedroom."

I hear Austin's footsteps go down the hall and soon enough the door cracks open, revealing a very tired Austin. I want to cringe at what I've caused, but I can't make a single move. I'm too stricken by him, what I've done. I'm not paralyzed, but I might as well be at this point in time.

"H-Hi," he stammers, shutting the door slowly behind him.

I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I probably look ridiculous, but I just feel so terrible right now. What have I really fucking done?

A single move, and I know I'll break down. There's just too many feelings to feel. How could someone handle all of this? I don't understand it. Feeling like this, fuck even thinking about this will cause a panic attack.

I stand up from the chair I had preciously sat in. I cautiously and slowly walk up to Austin, reaching my hand out. I warily touch his cheek, tears streaming down face. 

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I fall to the floor. I immediately begin sobbing. I bury my hands in my face. 

"Alan, it's okay," Austin says, pulling me into a hug. "You have nothing to be sorry about." 

"B-But I d-do," I whimper.

"No, Alan. I was the one who deserved what you did, I was the one who broke your heart. Please, it isn't your fault Alan," he mewls as an attempt to comfort me. In reality, it only makes me cry harder because of that stupid memory with stupid Gielle and stupid Austin and stupid everything! 

"What did you want to talk to me about?" he asks quietly. I try to stiffle my sobs, but all of my attempts fail. 

"I d-don't want you t-to go," I stammer. "I want y-you to s-st-stay." 

"Alan Anthony Ashby, I am not leaving you," he whispers, pressing his lips to my forehead. 

"You aren't?" I ask cautiously. He nods.

"Never again," he confirms. I smile. 

"Thank you," I reply. "Thank you for being here with me." 

"I couldn't leave you Alan. I never would want anything more in the world than you," he says. 

"I love you," I tell him. 

"I love you, too," he responds. 

Austin is going to replace the empty space that he held in my heart. 

-x-

Word Count: 713

SUPER FREAKING SHORT WHAT THE FUCK ;-;

ok so only two chapters left man. then book 3. 

ARE Y'ALL READY FOR THIS SHIT?!

*ooo* shits 'bout to go dowwwnnnnn. 

maybe. im gonna shush now :3