Poems (The Patterns of my Mind)

I'll Carry On?

I always end up being Simon in these situations

Falling for the one who could hurt me at any moment

The one my family would never expect - and would probably dislike

The are already beginning to strengthen their hate for me

Of who I am

Monsters, toxins, fire, danger around every corner

And I just fall deeper with every splendidly tortuous moment

I become more confused with myself

But relentlessly wanting more of you

Yet this always happens after I've been blind

Wallowing around with my curly head

Not thinking

Not paying attention

Too wrapped up in everything else

That I don't see what is right in front of my face

What is inside me

Monsters, toxins, fire, danger around every corner

Yet every time something happens

My blinders are knocked gone

And all I see is you

And all I want is you

And when I don't know what to do or who to talk to

I just go off

Burning like fire both inside and out

And I never know what to do with myself

Whenever I am around the monster that you are

I feel like you injected me with you toxins

Now I am on fire

And more vulnerable in danger

But I just want more of you

Despite all the pain you (may) cause me

Oh, you don't know Simon?

Well that's okay, you know me

So I'm crazy like Simon

Always courageous and strong

But when it comes to you

I'm in uncharted territory

Like a black hole, a void

A place where its only you and me and

Monsters, toxins, fire, danger around every corner

And I've got no backup

So when you pull out you toothy grin

Or that smug smirk

I know that I've already lost

I know that I've been rendered helpless and hopeless

An for some strange reason

I always want more

You are my everything

And my nothing

Like a void

That is always filled

You are all I ever needed

All I ever wanted

And for that

I'll carry on...

... like Simon

Inspiration: None other than Rainbow Rowell's book Carry On, a dream, and a bit midnight candle light

I know this is a little rough and isn't one of my best - I've been away for a awhile and I've been kinda running low on inspiration and creativity.... but this is a good glimpse of how my brain works at midnight sometimes....