Poems (The Patterns of my Mind)

The Stream of a Broken Consciousness 1

Everything starts out nice

As it always does

Then spirals come

Walking circles

Teary phone calls

Hiding

Yelling

Spitting curses

Trying but failing ultimately

Spilling my guts

Oops I think I said too much

But I don't want you to worry

I'm fine

I'll be fine

I'll be fine?

Right?

Please tell me that I'll be fine

Please

I need someone to help hold the fixings in place

Overlapping illusions creating one picture

Smiling, smart, and steady

Bursting at the seams

Being told I'm doing it all wrong

Delusional

Wait

Fuck

It wasn't supposed to go this way

I was holding myself together

Four years so far and going strong

But suddenly I find myself cracking

Letting the little pieces slip through

"Talking back" without meaning to

In a desperate attempt to cover it up

Leave

Me

Alone

Please don't

Don't you see my head is exploding 

Stuck on your one track mind

Don't you see that this is all going wrong

You keep telling me to jump

But I don't want to jump there

But I don't want to stay here

But maybe I don't really know how

For you the grass is always greener on the other side

For me the world is losing color

Go

Where?

Anywhere

Why?

Because it would be better

How do you know?

It goes toward your dreams

My dreams are dead.

Well that's a problem

Well no shit Sherlock, why do you think I never told you?

I didn't want to give you another thing to worry about

Another flag to add to your case against what you don't like

Another thing said out loud that truly belongs in the long silent list of things that are wrong with me

A list that is never meant to see the light of day 

Congratulations! You pulled it out of me this time.

As the curtain falls on this eventful moment

I try to collect the pieces

In hopes of mending frayed pieces

Maybe I will fit them back together

Or is it better to leave them be?

Inspiration: uni tearing me apart lol

I don't really know what this is, but I kinda just wrote it right now and I really needed to get it out there... maybe I'll come back and edit it... who knows *shrugs*