"We're not who we used to be, we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat."
Madeline "Ellie" Young is a veteran tour manager. She's one of the best in the business; she can turn an...
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Madeline's POV
"If you don't stop it right now, I'll kick you in the balls!" I yelled as Harry held a palm full of icing, aiming for me.
"Come at me, El." He grinned, jumping forward as I took another step back.
"You're going on in ten minutes and we have to get you a new shirt and Lou has to fix your hair! Harry, stop!"
He wrapped his arms around my waist as he pulled me into his chest, wiping icing on my face. I groaned, shoving him away. "Damn it, Harold."
"You've got a little something on your face, there, love." He grinned, licking the icing from his finger.
I swiped some from my cheek before shoving it over his nose. "Looks like you've got something on your face, love."
He grabbed the sides of my face, his tongue dragging across the side of my cheek as my mouth fell open. "All clean."
I ignored the evident smirk on his face as he turned around and I pressed my hands against his shoulder blades, shoving him into the dressing room.
"You're going to be standing here fully dressed and clean in five minutes or I'll do the damn show myself." I said pulling the door close to my body.
He grinned, crossing his eyes. "That'd be very entertaining."
"Flattering," I rolled my eyes. "Five minutes."
We got to Switzerland hours before the show and Harry had been a pain in my ass all day. He refused to cooperate with anything I say.
Finally, he was on stage. It was incredibly weird to see only him on stage, but he still took time to talk to his audience, which was absolutely adorable. The show ran over a bit, but it was his first show, so I let him have it.
He came offstage, a towel wrapped around his neck, a grin on his face. "That was amazing."
"Everything went smoothly back here, definitely better than the last tour." I chuckled, walking beside him towards the bus.
"You ready to go?" he asked me. "I'm starving."
"I guess I can get Chris to see the crew away.." I trailed off as he smiled at me.
"Of course she can, that's her job," he threw an arm around me. "I want some fondue."
"Hm, I'm guessing the best place to get it is Switzerland."
"Well, lucky us." He smiled as we hopped on the bus.
**
"And a bottle of red wine, please." Harry said to the waiter.
"No, we're not having alcohol." I quickly said.
"We'll take it."
"No, we won't," I said. "Harry, it's the first show."
"I know," he smiled. "Celebration, the red wine, please."
As we made our way up to our rooms, a bit buzzed, but not drunk, Harry threw another smile at me. This boy never stopped smiling, I swear upon the lord there wasn't a time I haven't seen him smiling tonight.
He hummed as he leaned against the wall, his hands reaching for my hips. "We could go inside.."
"Harold, I know you did not just offer me sex." I laughed, catching his hands.
He shrugged, grinning. "Maybe so."
"You could at least buy me dinner first."
"I did buy you dinner!" He protested.
"Correction, I bought dinner," I smiled as I snatched the key card from his back pocket. "You, bed, now."
He pouted, hunching his shoulders. God, I forgot how clingy and cute he was when he was tipsy.
"Stop acting like a child for god's sake, you're 23 years old," I chuckled, shoving him inside. "Drink water and take an Aspirin, and get some sleep please."
He stuck his bottom lip out, raising his eyebrows. "Ellie.."
"I am not cuddling with you for the love of god, go to bed, H," I laughed as he grabbed my arms. "Remind me to never let you drink again."
He frowned as he fell face first on the bed, groaning loudly. "You're mean!"
"I thought I was managing a tour, not babysitting." I laughed softly, closing the door behind me.
I wanted to stay, I would have loved to stay, but that voice told me not to. That it was wrong. Ever since the night after Ben, there was this overwhelming fear that it was wrong.
Every time I looked at Harry, I feel Ben's hands on me for not loving him the way I loved Harry. Harry would never hurt me, I knew better than that, but I couldn't help that it bombarded my thoughts.
I pressed my back against my door as I sighed. I kept telling myself not to go back to his room, not to climb into bed with him and wrap my arms around his torso, to kiss his neck softly, not to let him cuddle into my chest and run my fingers through his hair. It took every single inch of willpower I have not to do that.
It was the first show and I was already having these feelings again. I didn't want to love him again because I was too scared to lose him again.
I sighed as I pulled the covers over my body, closing my eyes.
How do I look at the man I love and tell myself that I don't deserve him?
