Hope Lost: A Daryl Dixon Story (The Walking Dead/ Bethyl )

21- Wishful

Daryl stood on the porch deck in front of the house. He leaned over the fencing and chewed on his nails. There was a slight breeze in the air. His long hair fluttered in his eyes. He watched Robin and Tara converse in the far off distance. Robin smiled occasionally and Tara laughed. They looked happy. They looked hopeful. Maybe they figured that things couldn’t get any better? Daryl grunted at the thought of something better. They had something good going –twice already. First they had Hershell’s farm and then the prison. They had to flee from both. Now Daryl caught himself thinking of the past again. Since when did what happened so long ago have an effect on him? Michonne joined him, with baby Judith in her arms. Daryl gave a hint of a smile to the young girl.

“I don’t like it here either.” Michonne said in her trademark I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-anything voice.

Daryl grunted and peeped over at her. His hands were crossed prayer style as he leant ever so slightly over the fencing of the porch. Why would she say that? Daryl wondered if it was worth the effort to rectify her statement and to clarify that he did not mind where they were at all.

“We want the same thing, Daryl.”

Now she had his attention.

“What?” he asked.

“Freedom. Freedom from them,” she looked in the direction of Bob who had joined Tara and Robin’s conversation. “And this.”

“What ya mean by that?”

“You know.”

“I don’t actually.”

Judith made a baby sound and gurgled. She was completely ignored though.

“C’mon Daryl, we both know this isn’t for us. I tried it out and it didn’t work. I would keep at it, but Rick is gone. And so is Carl. Those two… I just don’t know.” She trailed off.

“What are we doing here…together? What’s the point? Numbers for survival?” Michonne sighed.

Daryl raised an eyebrow.

“They brought me back from my limbo, with Andrea’s help of course. But I just don’t know why I’m here if they’re not.”

Daryl wondered where she was going with this and why she was sharing this with him. He remained emotionless though.

“But what I do know for sure is that something’s keeping you here and it sure isn’t Rick and his boy.”

Michonne didn’t expect Daryl to react –she knew him already. So she furthered her argument.

“It probably isn’t that happy one either. You better watch out, Daryl. It’s no use loving someone in this world because they’re going to die.” Michonne deadpanned.

Now she had his attention. “The hell you talkin’ ‘bout Michonne?”

“You don’t want this, believe me. Let go of what’s keeping you here.”

“And then?”

“Then you’ll be free. You’re almost exactly like me, Daryl. We don’t belong here anymore. I’m not sure we ever did.”

“You saying I should leave?” he asked in a bored tone.

“No, I’m saying that you should be you. You’ve barely said two sentences up till now. You’re unhappy. I’m unhappy…”

“Survivin’ ain’t got nothing to do with being happy.”

“Just think about it. The only thing you’ll ever have to worry about out there is you.” Michonne turned and left, leaving Daryl alone and confused on the porch.