20- Needs, Wants and Intentions

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Daryl lay in the middle of a field nearby with his arms folded behind his head. He chewed a piece of long grass nonchalantly. His crossbow sat next to his head, obviously. He was glad he was in absolute quite for the time being. Maggie, Robin and Beth were all getting to his core. Michonne, on the other hand, seemed to be avoiding him. Daryl didn’t care much about that. His thoughts travelled to Rick and Carl. Where were they? Daryl began to doubt their existence. Did the last few months at the prison even happen? Was there really a time in Daryl’s life when he was content? He shook his head. Rick and Carl were part of the past. The whole Grimes family, except for Judith, were gone. Daryl wondered how long before the Dixon family would be forgotten.

Daryl propped himself up on his elbow and sighed when he saw a figure approaching him in the distance. He lay flat down again and closed his eyes. Didn’t people understand the point of coming out here, is to be on his own? He heard gentle footsteps and suspected it would be Robin.  Of course it was her. She sat down cross legged next to him.

The funny thing was that none of them spoke. There was this understanding silence in the air. It had been a few days since their words in the kitchen. Daryl hadn’t spoken to either Beth or Robin since then. He had just been in and out of the woods, hunting. He and Sasha also went on a run to look for baby formula or baby food for Judith. But now Robin and Daryl sat in complete silence. The thing was, Robin didn’t want Daryl and he didn’t want her. Daryl needed Robin. He craved her. Daryl could take care of himself physically, but emotionally he was a wreck. Daryl didn’t have it in him to want, to love. He felt that no one could love someone broken in an equally broken world. Love was just another gimmick that sat next to hope. But the need for Robin was overwhelming. Robin didn’t bring calmness or reason into his life, she infuriated him. That fury burned into passion. The kind of passion people die for. It was this passion that Daryl craved for; it gave him reason to be alive again. The first and only time they had sex, was the time that passion peaked. Daryl had completely forgotten about the world and its shit for that moment. But as soon as it was over, hostility crept back in. He so badly wanted it to be a one-time thing, even though he wasn’t like that, because he couldn’t afford to have feelings. How long did Robin have left on this earth? How long before her kind heart double crossed her and kills her? How could he allow himself to open up and then get spat in his face? When he saw Glenn’s stiff body, images of Robin flooded his mind. What if that was her? He’d be lost.

But now as he laid closed eyes next to this beautiful woman, he reconsidered. Was it right of him to just push her out? Was there still a principle of right and wrong in a world where killing is a natural instinct? Applying the rules of tough love was harder than it looked. Being hostile towards her was easy to act out, but inside it killed him. He wanted nothing more to just pin her by her wrists against a wall and kiss her hard. She made him feel alive, and in more than one way. He could let his guard down around her because she understood. Robin understood him more than anyone, except one another girl: Beth. Beth was something else. Daryl was almost 100% sure that he was not right for her because of various reasons. Robin didn’t care about those reasons because they didn’t affect her. Hell, she still came after him right? She’s fighting for him. The other thing was that Robin needed Daryl as well. His brutal honesty and tough attire made her shiver.

In midst of Daryl’s thoughts, her hand somehow snaked its way across his chest. She shifted her position and lay down next to him, with her hand resting on his chest. Daryl turned to his side so that they were face to face.

“I don’t miss you at all.” She stated their first words in the hour or so since she sat down.

“Neither do I, missy.” he responded.

“Good. ‘Cause I pretty much hate your guts.”

“Don’t care,” he rested his hand on top of hers and stroked her index finger.

“I mean it, I hate you so much.”

“Okay.”

And then she shifted closer to him till their noses touched. Their fingers laced together and he brought their hands to his lips and kissed hers.

“You’re so horrible and mean. And selfish, can’t forget that.” She said.

Daryl bit the creamy skin on her hand in response. It was fine, he hated her too.

“You an asshole, Daryl Dixon.”

He bit down harder on the skin, running his tongue over it. She shivered in response.

“But worst of all, I need you so freakin’ much.”

Daryl paused from the biting and gazed into her eyes. She was the first to voice their shared opinion. He closed the gap between them and gently placed his lips on hers. Their mouths moved in rhythm as she hiked her leg up to his hip. He bit on her bottom lip and drew back, whispering.

“You’re still a bitch.”

--

Child graves. Three child graves lying side by side. As soon as Tyreese had smoothed the ground over, Carol had decided it was time to move on. Carol had buried three children. To say that all three had their whole lives ahead of them would be a lie. Carol passed the flowers where she shot Lizzie and looked away. She scanned Tyreese’s hard face and then looked down.

“I’m not afraid to kill… I’m just afraid.” Lizzie’s chilling words echoed in Carol’s thoughts.

She should have noticed it earlier in Lizzie. How did her state simply slip Carol’s mind? She wondered who else had died since the split up of the group. In a world where children killed children, nothing made sense anymore. Was there such a thing as right and wrong? Did morality and the innocence of a child disappear with the rest of the world? Carol admitted she was no longer the same woman when all of this started. She had hardened. She didn’t act on what was right or wrong, she acted on what had to be done to carry on. Killing Karen and David were one of those decisions. She did it. She would never forget it, Tyreese was right. But now Carol had a child’s blood on her hands. If she ever had to reunite with the prison group again, would they understand why? Would she be cast off by Rick again? She believed it that Rick would never harm a child in any way. He would be absolutely mortified if light shed on what happened at their ‘sanctuary’. Where were they headed now? Carol didn’t know. Tyreese didn’t know. As long as they moved further away from the child graves, they didn’t care. They stumbled through the thick forest and over the train tracks. Tyreese’s jaw dropped when he saw the beautiful car parked at an angle. Any car would do, and this one looked in mint condition. Carol shook her head though. Its best they travel by foot. Where would they drive to anyway? So instead they raided the car and found a few weapons and some food. They made their way along the train tracks once again.

Hours passed. They were tired and irritable. Carol’s thoughts were still on her adopted girls. Mika didn’t have a mean bone in her body, and that’s what killed her. There was no place for kindness in the world. That was about the last thought Carol had going on in her mind before a black crowbar swung forward and made contact with her forehead.

-

Does anyone else agree that The Grove was one of the most heart breaking episodes yet? The last time twd made me so emotional was back when Lori died in s3 and Rick cried at the end. I really, really love The Walking Dead <3

thanks for reading x

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