Sons of Liberty University | Hamilton College AU

Chapter 26 - Complete

TW: Suicidal thoughts, panic attacks

Alex

In my classes, I am known as the guy who talks and talks and talks without end. My professors say I have a sharp tongue and that I would make an excellent lawyer. The students know to stay back when I'm in the middle of a debate because I am fully capable of hurling insults and other things (like textbooks) across the room.

But I no longer wanted to speak. I wanted to sew my mouth shut and never open it back up ever again. My big fat mouth and I don't know when to stop. I did this to myself.

I was worthless like he had said. Fat, ugly, and worthless. No one loved me, especially not John.

How could John ever love something like me, with all of his beauty and grace and happiness? How could John, the cuddliest, most beautiful person in the world love something as horrible, insensitive, and disgusting as me?

If I died, no one would care. Maybe I should die. No one would notice that I was gone.

John had gone to his classes for the day, so I was left alone. I had finished my classwork that morning and was curled up in John's fluffy blanket. It smelled like him.

I stared out the window, where a storm was brewing. I took small, gasping breaths to try and calm myself down.

I glanced at my alarm clock. 9:30. Shit. John's second class just started, and he wouldn't have time to come home at all.

I guess I'd have to ride this out all on my own, then.

A crack of thunder sounded overhead. I could already taste the salt water stinging my tongue.

The rain began hammering away at the window.

I heard ghostly screams echoing from my subconsciousness.

Little flashes of visions of the horrible storm that ruined my life came to my vision, cutting in between real life and memories like a cold knife through cold butter. Rough. Interrupted, like blips on a radar.

And then the memories of King came. The combination was too much for me to handle.

I buried my head in my pillow and sobbed, reliving literal nightmares.

I don't know when, but at some point, there was a knock on the door, along with a familiar voice.

"Alexander? I came to check up on you."

"C-come in," I sniffled.

The door opened to reveal Mr. Washington, but without his normal suit on. He was wearing a large blue sweater and a pair of sweatpants.

His eyes widened and he ran over.

"Hey, Alex, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

"E-everything's c-coming back," I cried. "I k-keep seeing e-everything again! The h-hurricane... K-King..."

"It's okay," he said softly, letting me cry, keeping a hand on my back. "It's okay, Alex. You're gonna be okay. Hey, I took a day off today because I'm having some issues with my health. I'll stay here with you until John's done with classes, okay?"

I sniffed. "What kind of issues?"

He rubbed my back. "Nothing that's gonna kill me. Not unless I let it, that is."

Eventually, the storm calmed to just pounding rain, and Mr. Washington and I played Grand Theft Auto (playing a video game with your professor is actually quite entertaining. Especially when they lose their shit).

"So, you live on campus, right?" I asked.

"Yep," he replied, taking a sip of the coffee he had brought. "Martha and I usually go to our normal home during the summers, though."

"Are you talking about me again?"

The both of us jumped at the sound of a woman's voice. A woman with fair skin and long brown hair tied up into a bun. She scowled at Mr. Washington.

"Honey, why aren't you at work?" she asked.

"Mental health day," he said, tapping his temple. "I had a bad panic attack this morning while you were gone."

Her expression softened. "Okay, honey. How are you feeling now?"

"Much better. I refilled my prescription, by the way. And I got you some cookies."

She grinned. "Thank you, honey. This is Alexander, right?" she asked, coming in and sitting down on the beanie next to me.

"Yep," he said. "John Laurens asked me to check up on him because of the storm outside, plus with what happened on Halloween, so I decided I'd stay with him until John got back."

Martha nodded appreciatively, then looked at the TV screen. Her eyes widened with delight, and she immediately grabbed a controller.

Mr. Washington chuckles, while I stared at her in confusion.

"She loves GTA V," Mr. Washington explained. "We play it with our, uh..." he sighed. "Four children."

Martha giggled.

~.~

"Hey babe, I'm home--"

The three of us, still heavily engrossed in GTA, turned to see my boyfriend standing in the doorway, looking thoroughly confused.

"Uh... Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Washington...?" he said slowly.

"Hi, John!" Martha said, waving. "Don't mind us, playing video games with your boyfriend."

"Uh, okay," John said, then scratched the back of his neck. "So, uh, how was your day, Alex?"

"It was a little rough until Mr. Washington got here," I said, refusing to tell him about the part where I considered killing myself. "But I'm good now."

"Alright, since John is here," Mr. Washington said, standing up and stretching. "I'd better get back home to work on tomorrow's lecture. You boys have a good night." He turned to Martha. "Are you coming, honey? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I'm coming," she said, then stood up and gave me a hug. "Have a good day, you two." The couple then left.

And strangely, there was a sense of completeness that I hadn't felt in years.