Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Five: Coffee

Hayley's P.O.V.

Like when I was staying at Taylor's house before we were dating, I forgot my phone. Of course. This doesn't stop me from walking though, away from everything. All of my worries. I'm planning to leave them at home, and to empty my mind for a while here. Despite what just happened with Taylor, I don't want to go and apologize like I know I should. I don't want to eat, drink, think, talk, walk, or anything. I just want to sleep. I want this to end. I want a lot, don't I?

I walk for what seems like forever. Down the sidewalk, breathing in the morning, early summer air. The grass is a softer shade of green at this time. Not even 9:00 yet. Usually I would be asleep at this time.

Eventually I reach a small coffee shop, so I decide to get some of the morning drink. I have some extra cash in my pocket from a while ago that's enough for a coffee. I swing the door open, a bell ringing above my head as I enter. The place is small, but comfortable looking. I used to come here a lot when I was younger with Jeremy and the Farro's.

I order a small, regular coffee and sit down by the big window. I look out at some of the people walking by. Just normal people. They probably didn't get diagnosed with depression, self harmed, or get kidnapped and almost killed in the process. "Hi Hayley," I hear. I turn and see a young girl who is maybe 15 looking at me.

"Hey," I say assuming she's a fan. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm not too great today. You see, my favorite band cancelled a bunch of shows on their fans and blamed it on some blackmail and kidnappers," she tells me sarcastically. "I bet the leaked photo was actually the two about to do it and the bruise was photoshopped,"

"I'm sorry but that isn't true," I explain quietly.

"It isn't? Really? I don't see any scars?" she says eye balling me. She looks like the kind of person who isn't the kindest to anyone, a ton of makeup, done up blonde hair, blue eyes. The way she is standing with my hand on her hip gives her away, otherwise I would have never guessed her to be rude.

"I'm sorry but I actually have to be somewhere in a couple of minutes," I try to lie almost standing up.

"No you don't. You're going to explain to me why you lied," she demands standing in the way.

"I didn't lie to anyone, especially Paramore fans," I tell her getting a little annoyed with her. All of a sudden she grabs my wrist and pulls my sleeve down revealing FREAK on it. "Stop," I ask her trying to pull away.

"Aw did you do that? Were you scared that one of your ten boyfriends would be offended if you wrote BITCH or FAILURE?" she asks sounding more sarcastic than ever.

At this point I'm done. I stand up and try to move from the small area but she is blocking me. All of a sudden, she grabs my steaming hot coffee and opens it. I know what's coming next, as well. Before I can move, my coffee is all over my shirt and face. The cruel girl runs before I can say anything though.

The few people in the shop are looking at me now; not with sympathy though. I grab a napkin from the table and wipe some coffee off of my face, and I walk out of the store before I start to cry.

The walk home is embarrassing, as multiple people look at me weirdly as I'm trying to cover my coffee stain. What did I do to deserve that? Did I truly do anything wrong?

Once home, I sigh as Kat's car is in the driveway still. I move toward my room to get a change of clothes, overwhelmed by the smell of fresh paint. I don't pay attention to what is going on though, because my chest is still burning hot with coffee. I grab some clothes out of the temporarily moved dresser and go to the bathroom to get dressed.

I take my shirt off and look in the mirror. All I end up seeing is the negative things. I remember a couple months ago, I would always push myself to see the positive things about myself. Now I can't do that even if I tried to. It's too hard to look at myself in this mirror. It's a replacement of the one I broke when I almost killed myself. This is the bathroom where I downed a bottle of pills, just for Taylor to come and ruin it all. I know he wants me to strong, but 'stay strong' is something I've heard too much to be true. Everyone says it.

I examine the scar on my side where I was stabbed. I remember thinking to myself for a moment, 'I hope this kills me today, but everyone else will be okay'. Crazy, isn't it? I hope everyone will be okay expect for me because I want the knife in my side to kill me. I lift my wrist and look at the haunting word engraved in my skin. I'm going to have to live with this for a long time. FREAK. That's all I am, right? A freak?

Why are these things getting me so down in the first place? I used to be so positive about everything. I used to eat food like it was my last meal, and sleep in for hours if I had the chance. That reminds me; I should check my weight. I go under the cabinet and next to a stack of towels is a weight scale, so I turn it on, set it on the floor, and step on it. As of today, I have lost six more pounds, and now I'm nine pounds under weight. I'm not sure whether to be happy or worried, and whatever the answer should be, I find myself proud.

People are going to notice the fact that I've lost fifteen pounds. That is a lot of weight, especially for me. I can't worry about this now, though, so I put the scale away and sigh. I have the urge to self harm but I know that wouldn't be smart with the Davis' here. I change quickly into a random t shirt and sweat pants and throw the coffee stained clothes in the laundry not wanting to deal with anything at the moment.

When I get back to my room, Jeremy just finished painting over the message on my wall for me, and Kat is holding Bliss. "We took pictures first," Kat explains. "We didn't want you to have to look at that. The paint was in the garage,"

"Thank you," I say quietly looking down.

"Are you okay?" Jeremy asks me kindly covering the old paint can up and starting to clean up the stuff he used to cover the message.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. I am starting to feel like everything I say is a lie, to be honest.

"Okay, we'll leave you then," he says picking up his materials. "Bye," I wave and he leaves, Kat getting up off of sitting on the bed with Bliss.

"Bye, Hayley," she says bringing me into a hug.

"Bye, Kat, and of course Bliss," I say with a small smile. "Can I hold her real quick?" Kat nods and hands her to me. She smiles up at me and kicks her feet. Bliss giggles at me and I smile at her.

"Bye Bliss, be good for Mommy," I tell her. The three leave soon though, and here I am. Alone once again. I feel as if I have absolutely no one to talk to, but I have everyone. I just choose to push them away. I can't stop the voice, though.

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The voice isn't to be controlled.