Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Twenty-Six: Feeling Empty

Hayley's P.O.V.

This one guy smiles at me every time he sees he, and I smile back. I think his name is Scott, he is here for a suicide attempt almost four months ago. His hair is short and light, his eyes are piercing blue, and he is muscular and tall. Those eyes of his could melt the desert if he let them. Scott looks kind and gentle, but I shouldn't be thinking of him that way. I just ruined a very important relationship of mine with someone that means the world to me.

I'll never get over Taylor, which is why I choose not to think about him. If you don't think of them, you can't hurt them or even yourself. I start to think about Jeremy who visited me last week though, and I rub my eyes with my hands, as if to rub away how I view this life. It doesn't work though; not that I expected it to.

I was told yesterday that at my progression and the fact that I am off of my medication now, I can leave whenever I want. The progression is mostly how I speak with my therapist and how I view things a percentage or two lighter. I mean, sure it was true at first, but let's face it, some things can't change. It will take a lot to get me out of this mess. Point is, I'm better than I was an month ago.

It's only been three weeks since Jeremy came to visit me. I haven't heard any other news about him or the others, though. I only know what my mom can tell me, which is limited. There is a big question that lies beneath this that I've been avoiding though. What will happen to Paramore? Have we ruined the one thing that meant the most in the beginning?

I don't want to hurt Jeremy and Taylor anymore, I've done enough of that. I also don't want to hurt the fans, though, so this is extremely difficult. I just don't want to think when I know I have to. I need to. Forget what the doctors tell me about my stress levels being way too high. I mean, sure it's true, but I have to decide sooner rather than later, for everyone's sake.

It's times like this that I wonder what I'm living for. Is it the ones I love but hurt? Like Taylor? He wouldn't ever want me back though. I understand of course, because if I were him, I would never want to talk again. Is it Paramore fans? McKayla and the rest of my two families? If it were these things, I wouldn't have two suicide attempts by now, that's the scary part. What's keeping me holding on? I live to be tortured every single day. If they were all dead that wouldn't happen though. If everyone was dead we wouldn't have to be put through this or cause this mess we're all in.

As I finish putting a couple jigsaw puzzle pieces together, a man sits down in front of me at the table and stares at me. "You need to leave here within two days or Mrs. Davis will suffer next," he whispers while the nurses back is turned. When the nurse turns back to us, I give her a scared look. If I say anything, that can lead to more consequences. I'm not putting anyone in danger like that. Never again. I will suffer their pain.

With that, I gulp without anyone noticing, and the strange man, obviously working for Angela, leaves me. I guess I have to leave. It's that simple. Kat doesn't belong in my mess. She has a beautiful family, a beautiful personality, and a beautiful life she deserves to spend out of happiness and love. Never would I wish this darkness I carry upon her, or anyone at all, actually.

-----

A day and a half later, I'm home. I still haven't talked to Taylor since I kissed Chad, or Chad either. I probably should though, if I want to end this relationship mess. I'm on the couch right now, asking myself why I didn't fight for Taylor. I ask myself why I let him go, out of sight and out of mind; until now of course. What if I'm falling out of love with him? I can't imagine doing so but it is the only explanation of this. I need to talk to him.

I find myself standing outside of Taylor's door, shaking and trying not to have a panic attack. I shouldn't be even close to it, I mean, it's just Taylor, but anything could happen. I eventually bring myself to hold my hand up long enough to ring the door bell, bringing it down quickly and stepping back. I'm more terrified than I have ever been with Taylor. I know he's home though; his car is in the driveway.

The door soon opens to a tired looking Taylor, and I don't know what to say, so I don't think. I just say. It's the worst possible thing to do, but it's the only way I can speak. "Can we talk?" I ask him. He doesn't respond, he just opens the door and steps to the side as if to say 'come in'. I know all he's doing is being polite though, nothing more.

We sit awkwardly on his couch, the silence killing us both. At this point, I have no idea what I feel about his man, or what I should be feeling. "I'm sorry," I tell him in a hushed voice. "He saved my life twice, I was an emotional wreck because of Lacey, I loved him for six years. That's no excuse, nor the right thing to say, but I looked at him for a split second and saw you, Taylor. The man who saved me,"

Taylor looks at me slowly, and back down at his lap. I'm probably confusing him. I'm confusing myself, honestly. I did see Taylor in Chad though, my savior. Taylor will always be my savior, no matter what happens. "You kissed your ex-boyfriend Hayley," he tells me slowly. He looks up into my eyes, and his deep, chocolate eyes are red. "You didn't even call me. You didn't care. You put yourself in a mental hospital,"

"I did. I've never been more ashamed of myself. You know what though, Taylor? I would've called if I wasn't at a funeral by myself for little girl who was trying to make sure I was okay. It's my fault she's dead, and it's my fault you were tortured twice. We both know that I should be dead, not Lacey, or my dad, or Erica, or Justin. It's my fault that I didn't try hard enough to get us out of this mess, and it's my fault I lost the only person that was keeping me sane!"

I'm standing at this point, my voice getting louder and a minimum amount of tears start to fall down my cheeks. Taylor looks at me out of sympathy, and the look makes me want to scream. I have never hated sympathy so much before, then Angela happened. "I made a mistake, T. It was bound to happen!"

I turn to walk out the door, tears pouring down my face out of loss and frustration. Taylor's hand grabs me by my waist, and pulls me back around, his lips connecting with mine. I don't pull away, I instead wrap my arm gently around his neck, and smile into the kiss, my anger flooding out of me. Soon I pull away for air though, looking into the eyes that are ten times brighter than a moment ago. My tear stained cheeks are blushing probably, and he kisses my head, me burying my face in his chest. "Is that all I get?" I whisper into his shirt. I can feel him smiling from his chest.

They have a very on and off relationship, don't they?

It's cool though, because I seriously considered breaking them off.

And oh, are you guys getting used to the short chapters yet? :o