Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Sympathy

Hayley's P.O.V.

For once I don't mind Taylor's sympathetic eyes, as he processes what's happened. My hands are still furiously shaking, the broken piece of my coffee cup in my hand, close to my arm. Taylor's actions surprise me though, as he doesn't pick up the other pieces, but looks at me. He steps carefully over the mess, and picks my fragile body up off the floor. He carries me to the couch and sits me down, kneeling beside me.

"Do you want to see those scars years from now and be reminded of this pain?" he asks me. "The Hayley I know is trapped in this fragile version of you, but they are fighting to get out. My Hayley will get out, but she doesn't want the scars to remind her of the darkness she was once in. Hayley would want a reminder of the brightness she saw as soon as she got out,"

My lip trembles as I wipe another millions of tears away. I'm pushing my nails into my skin harder than before, and apparently Taylor notices, because he covers my fists with his hands. "I know what you're doing. You need control over something," he admits sounding like a wise old man. A moment or so later of my jagged breathing and urge to self harm, T speaks again. "You have control over your life, even if it doesn't feel that way at first,"

"I don't, Angela does," I explain quietly. Taylor stands up and heads toward the kitchen, me being able to see him still. He takes a knife from the drawer and walks toward me. I automatically tense up, and even move back a little, despite it only being Taylor.

"Hayley, I would never hurt you with this," he says to me noticing my reaction. He probably isn't surprised, or even offended, by my actions due to our past year. "Stab my arm with it,"

"W-what?" I ask confused. Why would Taylor ever ask me to stab him? What in the world is he trying to get me to do here?

"Stab me," he responds simply, holding the knife out of me to take. I honestly can't believe why, for any reason, Taylor of all people would want this. Because of my confusion, I'm staring straight into his hurt eyes, not able to say a word, or even move an inch. He kneels down where he was before, and fixes a strand of my hair as yet another tear rolls down my cheek. "Every time you hurt yourself, it feels like you're stabbing me right in the heart, so why not feel it in my arm for real?"

As he speaks these words, I cover my mouth with my trembling hand as I start to sob. I can't stop now, it's gotten too far. I'm going to be in the middle of a mental breakdown in a little while. You're a horrible person, you hurt Taylor. You deserve everything bad that comes to you. Soon the voices are screaming at me, and I find myself holding the sides of my head, curled into a ball, and a complete mess. You should just kill yourself, I mean, you're already dead anyway, right? Let's kill Hayley, let's kill Hayley!

"Hayley, look at me," Taylor tells me putting the knife down on the coffee table. I'm in a tighter ball now, shaking so hard it's unbelievable. "Hayley, everything's okay, look at me," he says. Taylor sits next to me on the couch, rubbing my back and trying to calm me, but it isn't working.

"The voices, the voices," I find myself whispering to myself. "Make them go away, T, make them leave," As I ask this of Taylor, I have my shaking hand holding onto his wrist. I look into his eyes, and he looks completely terrified for what I may do, so I make it simple. I squeeze between the couch and Taylor and lay down. T lays down as well, holding me close to his chest, as I bury my face into his chest, my tears getting all over him. He kisses my head, his arm around me as I shake.

"Only you can do that," he whispers to me softly.

"How? I need you to help me," I say trying to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes.

"Believe what I tell you, Hayley. Please," he asks of me sitting up just a little. "You are brave, you are strong, you are beautiful,"

"No, I'm a coward, I'm weak, and I'm disgusting," I reply not even acknowledging the compliment.

"Why would I love you if you were all of those things? You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, Hayley. I love you too much for you to be a weak, cowardly, disgusting person," he tells me confidently, brushing his fingers gently across my temple.

"Taylor, you have to be the sweetest guy I know, but I'm not, and I don't understand how you could see that in a girl like me," I tell him as I shake a little bit less, and another tear rolls down my cheek onto his chest. I sit up a bit so I'm not in his chest anymore, and look at him.

"I see it right in front of me," Taylor says to me stroking my cheek with his thumb, wiping a tear away. "You just have to stop crying first,"

"I can't, there is too much to cry about, T. Every single thing I care about is slowly being ripped away from me, piece by piece," I respond as I slip my hand into his. "I need someone to fix me,"

"I promised I would, a long time ago. Last spring, remember? I will. I have one goal in this world, and that is to fix you,"

"It always falls apart," I reply in a hushed voice. Taylor looks at me, shiny eyes and a moment of hesitation. He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb, going in endless circles, as I watch his movements.

"Can we have a fun day? Maybe then I can finally see you smile," Taylor asks me as I smile at him softly. For once it isn't fake.

 "Yeah, for your birthday in two weeks. We can do anything you want," I explain with a smile, kissing his nose.

"That's too far," he complains with a sarcastic frown.

"Maybe. I'll make it worth it though, I promise," I tell him. I'll keep my word.

This will be interesting...

Hehe.