Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Fourty-Two: Falling

I don't care who you are, you need to blast Space Enough to Grow by Of Mice & Men in your ears while reading this. More specifically, from the sentence 'I have to go now.' and on. (Third Section)

It'll be better.

Hayley's P.O.V.

As soon as Taylor opens the door for us, Lily comes running to us both, jumping up and down while barking. I pick her up, and kiss her small head, setting her back down carefully. When I flop on the couch, Taylor almost turns toward the stairs before I call his name. "Where are you going?" I ask.

"I thought you wouldn't want me around right now," he explains looking to me with a tired expression. Not that the tiredness is new. In response to this, I open my arms out wide for him, and watch him move toward me and take me in his arms. I bury my face in his neck, breathing in his familiar scent, not wanting to ever pull away.

"Actually...I want you close by my side," I tell him pulling away a bit. I brush my hand past his cheek and behind his ear with his curls, staring straight into his eyes. "I truly do,"

"Then don't leave me," he whispers, looking more desperate than I've ever seen him. I don't blame him though, of course. I basically told him that I'm going to kill myself and leave him and our child.

"Taylor...I have to do this," I explain, our faces a few inches apart. "It's to keep you and Lacey safe,"

"Just because you think we'll be safe doesn't mean we will be. Not mentally," Taylor explains with hurt in his voice. I can't let him make me think those things though, because I know what needs to happen. I need to die tonight.

"I'm tired, Taylor. I'm so so tired," I say, my eyes stinging. "I'm sick of this,"

"We just have to hold on for a little longer," he tells me, pulling me into his embrace.

"The rope is breaking," I respond into his shoulder, my tired body threatening me. "I'm falling now,"

-----

I wake up in Taylor's chest on the couch, the time being about 8:00 at night. I have approximately six hours to live, if this works. I feel Taylor's lips press against the top of my head, telling me he is awake, and so I snuggle farther into his chest, and sigh. I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember being exhausted. Taylor's arms are tight around me, holding me close, not willing to let me go any time soon. "Can I ask something of you?" I ask him carefully, sitting up.

"Of course," he responds in his raspy voice, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. I pull his face to mine, and press my lips against his simply. That's all there is to it.

"No matter what happens to me, just promise me you take care of our child," I ask of him, my hands on either side of his face.

"You're not leaving me. I won't let you," Taylor replies softly, convinced I'm not going to leave. It's for the best though, it truly is. "You're going to stay here and raise Lacey Winter with me, let me protect you, and let us love you forever,"

"I have to go," I whisper carefully, my hands starting to shake. "This needs to end,"

"No," he says pulling my body toward him. He kisses my chin and brushes my cheek with his thumb. "Come with me," Taylor takes my hand and leads me to the music room, gently picking up a vinyl and setting it on the newer turntable I bought a couple months ago. When the song starts to play, I smile and even blush a little at his choice.

When he bows his head down and holds his hand out for me to take, I giggle and slide my hand in his. He sets his other hand on my waist, causing shivers to travel up my body, leaving me breathless despite the amount of time I've been with him. My other hand is around his shoulder, as Taylor's motions set my chest on fire.

We dance to our own song, The Only Exception, forgetting about everything else. Forgetting about tonight. It's just us and my endless giggling, now. I can feel Taylor's happiness through his whole body, causing me to smile even more than I already am. When the song ends, I hear a soft whisper in my ear from Taylor. "I love you more than anything in the world," he says.

"I love you more than life itself," I whisper back pressing my lips against his cheek softly, pulling away after a short moment. "Not this life, but life,"

"That's a whole lot," T whispers with a smile, kissing my forehead.

"I know. I'm okay with that," I respond as my body wants to throw itself at Taylor. I just want to be in his arms for forever, even though I know that can't happen.

-----

I have to go now. I've been laying in bed for a long time now, Taylor's arms around me, it being about 1:30 in the morning. He kept telling me he wasn't going to fall asleep, but eventually, despite our nap, the day caught up with him. I don't blame him, honestly...I would be sleeping to if it weren't for the fact that I'm suppose to be on my way to the hill.

Soon enough though, I find myself realizing that if I don't do this, my daughter will be brought into this. I'm not letting myself think about anyone but my daughter. If I think about Taylor, my heart will shatter and I won't be able to focus. If I think about Paramore, I'll brake and will procrastinate. If I think about my family and friends, I'll become too tired to leave the bed.

Inch by inch, I escape from the bed, and make sure everything I need to do is done. The box under my bed is locked, but the key is under the matress, and I'm sure someone will find it. I hope that someone will be Taylor, because he's the only one who will understand most of it all, even if it hurts. I take another look at him, and blink the tears away, as I quietly make my way down the stairs.

I check to make sure Lily has enough food and water for a while, just in case, and kiss her tiny head one more time before slowly picking up my keys and slipping on my shoes. I make sure the door shuts quietly, and get it my car with shaking hands and heavy breathing, driving away as the anxiety is setting in.

The drive feels way too long and quiet, considering the few tears I let fall are silent. I've never done anything so selfish before, and I'm quite sure that this action is the most selfish thing anyone could ever do. I've tried it three times counting tonight, but the question is, will it finally work?

The walk up to the very top of the hill is long and cold, despite the warm spring air. I'm only in Taylor's shirt, leggings, and a light sweater though, so to be cold isn't too much of a surprise. When I reach the top, I don't expect to see Angela or anyone else in sight, and I don't. It's just dark, the sight of the city below and stars on the other side still overwhelming despite the many times I've been here.

Very slowly, I approach the jagged edge of the hill that I always avoided until now. It's far down that you'd fall, hitting the rocks below. My jelly legs find it extremely hard to walk toward, for more reasons than one. I don't want my precious daughter to grow up without a mother, but it's better than the torture she would have to face if I were to live. When I die, Taylor, Lacey, Jeremy, Kat, Mom, and everyone else will be left alone. It's my death that seals this forever.

I'm standing over the edge now, waiting for the right moment to jump. When I find that moment just a few minutes later, I step forward. That's when I hear the voice. Taylor's voice. He is calling my name, and running as fast as possible to me. I've never seen him run like that before. "Hayley, no!" he screams, getting closer. Here goes everything I've ever been through, and everything I'll never do.

I can't help it though, I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish person in world for this, but I'm doing it. I turn so I'm facing Taylor and away from the cliff, and raise my arms by my side; a bird going into flight. "Hayley!" Taylor yells trying hard to get to me. I let a tear slip down my cheek, and step back a little more, my foot slipping on the edge. I lip the words, 'I'm sorry' to the love of my life. I am truly sorry, but I'm weak. I am already slipping at this point, so I turn back around to face the fall just early enough to do one single thing. I decide to spend that second greeting death, and so I jump.

                                    <<End of Book Two>>

I had to do it, I had to! I'm sorry don't hate me! Epilogue to come, so look out! Sorry, sorry, sorry!

It's been an amazing journey with you all while I've written this, thank you much. Here's to life!