Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Nineteen: The Final Deal

Hayley's P.O.V.

Monumentour is officially over. Done. Taylor still isn't back. I have another three cuts lining my wrist since last time I cut, these being a little deeper. It's been a full month since, and once we were leaving the bus, I volunteered to take his stuff back to his house, since I now own an extra key to his house.

When I did, I stopped by his room to put his suitcase and other stuff there, and decided to keep his pillow with me. When I slept on the bus, I slept in his bunk, and I don't think I can go knowing he is being tortured because of me and not sleep without at least his pillow with me. That's another thing, the love of my life is being tortured because of me. It's my fault. Not his, not Jeremy's, Chad's, or Angela's. This is on me. I'm even scared if he'll hate me because of this when he gets back; if he gets back.

I've been sleeping with his dark blue pillow ever since, not having the heart to even wash the pillow case or anything. It still smells like him and I don't want to change that. Not when I don't know if or when he's coming back. It's hard falling asleep, and often I find myself crying before doing so. Jeremy is just as much of a mess as I am, he just won't admit it to anyone's face. His best friend has been kidnapped though, he handles it how he handles it.

His family is just as much as a mess as well, if not more. Actually, that is debatable, considering I stole his pillow. I don't think Chris or his parents will be stealing his other pillows. I don't talk nearly as much as I did when he was around a month ago, even though that wasn't too much either. I keep unsuccessfully trying to find a point in doing anything productive without the dork, but I can't.

When I have nightmare, no one is just there, and I'll cry myself back to sleep realizing that I'm living the nightmare, and no one is there to support me the way Taylor did. Everyday, I think of how he would be disappointed in me for not nearly as much as I should, so two weeks ago, I made a promise to his memory that I would eat something small everyday for him. Taylor being gone has made me realize how much I want be be perfect for him, even if it means eating. I drink water regularly as well, just because he would make me do that, too.

I'm honestly not even sure if this is making me come out of this funk or pulling me farther down, because physical I'm getting better but emotionally and mentally I'm not. As a matter of fact, I think that side of it is getting worse. I just want him to hold me again, and to tell me how we can get through anything If we try hard enough.

Maybe I can get him back though. If I make a deal with Angela. She's in the hospital still, but I know which one thanks to Jeremy's help. If I visit her, considering the doctors will be there, we can talk without anyone getting hurt...

I walk into the hospital almost an hour away from my house,.and try to breathe in and out. I have no idea what I'm going to even say. The whole ride I was basically brainstorming ideas, but nothing came that might have been useful. Not one thing. The result of that happening is where I now stand, confused,nervous, and an inch away from having a panic attack. I'm visiting someone who tried to kill me. The woman who stabbed me in the side and complicated my life to a record number.

I write my name is the visitors sign in, and me ID is checked, as well as my bag. I'm honestly surprised she is even allowed to have visitors, then again, it's been almost five months. I know how the system works, and after a while she probably reached a level on the chart giving her special visiting privileges. It feels good not to be the one being visited. Not that I had any visitors when I was in the hospital for four days.

A nurse leads me down a short hall into the day room, where Angela is sitting  with a stack of cards, examining one of them. I sit across from her and she looks utterly disgusted. "Get out of my face," she tells me setting the cards down.

"Now, is that any way to speak to Ms. Williams?" the tall nurse asks Angela in her annoying, girly voice. Angela rolls her eyes and sighs. The nurse sits on the couch about ten feet away, trying to not make it obvious that she's watching us. If we speak quietly, she won't be able to hear.

"I want to make a deal," I explain to her in a hushed voice. My hands are shaking in my lap, and I don't dare move a muscle apart from my mouth. She furrows her brow and I understand she wants me to elaborate on the idea of a deal. At this point, I have no idea what I'm even saying anymore. "If you let your...men...let Taylor go, then I will...I will kill myself after 24 hours," I say not thinking straight.

An evil smile creeps up onto her face and quickly drops. "If you fail then you will be visiting my new special place for you. I'll contact the men and you'll get your precious boyfriend to be safe, but you are done," Angela responds.

"You have to leave them alone once I'm dead. My death seals this for good," I reply standing up. With that, I leave the hospital, and the tears start to fall. One more day with Taylor. One more day. Then I will see him everyday, he just won't see me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a filler, really, I know it's abnormally short, but I wanted to give you guys something.