Misery Business (Sequel to Never Let This Go) *Paramore*

Chapter Thirty-Two: Tired

Hayley's P.O.V.

"You can't stop me," I whisper through my tears, not able to break free of Taylor's grasp.

"Yes I can," Taylor tells me, his arms around my waist as I'm in his lap. I don't want to fight him anymore.

"How can you possibly do that?" I ask wiping another tear away. "You can't watch me all day every day, Taylor,"

"You're right. I can't. I can show you how it feels to watch the one you love do something horrible to themselves though, and that is more heartbreaking than I show," he replies in a hushed voice.

"W-What do you mean?" I ask confused. He allows me to leave his lap, knowing I won't go anywhere. I move so that I'm facing him, our faces about a foot apart.

"I mean...I mean from now on, every time you hurt yourself, I hurt myself too. It isn't something I'm proud of, but you hurting yourself has gotten too far," he explains with hesitation.

"First of all, you can't self harm as a threat! That is completely unfair and you know it! Second, if you're so ashamed of me, maybe you should've gotten with a normal girl who didn't have two different suicide attempts!" I yell standing up, tears falling faster now.

"I will never ever be ashamed of you, Hayley Nichole Williams. I don't want to do this to you, but I'm scared for you," Taylor responds, still calmly sitting on the bed.

"We fight too much, Taylor," I whisper, suddenly more hurt than angered. "I don't want to fight with you anymore,"

After those words pour from my mouth, Taylor opens his arms up for me, and I basically jump into them. "We don't have to, Hayles, but at least we're not boring," he softly says into my hair. I bury my crying mess of a face into his neck, as his hands move up and down on my back in a comforting motion. "I still love you more than anything, you know that right? I'm just scared I might loose you that's all,"

"You'll never loose me. If anything, I'll do something stupid enough to loose you," I explain looking into his eyes. "I don't know how you do it. You make me so mad and just a moment later I want to kidnap you and stuff you in my basement so I can watch you all day,"

"It isn't kidnapping if I want you to take me," Taylor quietly says, looking straight into my eyes. It's right in this moment that I gently press my lips against his, and that I feel like the millions of sparks exploding inside of me will be the end. The overwhelming happiness I get is too much to handle. The fact that I'm happy in general makes me want to explode.

The innocence behind this kiss ends world hunger. It stops Angela and it allows everyone in the world to have a true smile on their faces for the simplest of reasons. It's when I pull away for air, that I bite my lip, and try to not smile too much. I've forgotten about Chad. I've forgotten about everything but Taylor right now. I'm okay will that though, just until tomorrow.

"Chad is dead, Taylor," I tell him, my hands on each side of his face. "I didn't get to apologize to him," Without any words or facial expressions, Taylor moves so he's under the covers, both of us in our clothes still. He takes his shirt off and throws it on the ground, and pats the bed, signalling for me to join him. I stand up though, and pick his shirt up off the floor. Moving to the bathroom, I take me clothes off and change into his shirt, just long enough to cover my bottom.

In less than a minute, I'm back to the bed, even though it's extremely early. I move under the blanket, facing Taylor's bare chest as always, and he smiles. "I'm sorry I wrecked your birthday," I whisper as he turns the lamp off.

"I had a great day actually. I spent the whole day with you. You ate a muffin for goodness sakes, sang All I Wanted, I got a new guitar from my favorite person, and we got a million giggles and grins up on that hill," Taylor admits, holding me close to him. I plant a kiss on his chest and snuggle farther into him, if even possible.

"I could've done better," I whisper, a single tear falling onto the pillow.

"Do you love me?" he asks randomly.

"Of course I do. More than life itself," I respond in a whisper, my eyes growing even more tired than before.

"That's all I could ask for,"

-----

Christmas has never been so awkward, it really hasn't. For the past six years I've spent it with my now dead ex-boyfriend. This year, well, two days ago, I spent it with my mom. We smiled a lot, some smiles were fake, others were true. I never told her about Chad. I figured it wasn't appropriate on Christmas day. Angela decided to leave me alone on the holiday, so even though I was looking for something bad to happen, nothing did.

Today though, is my 26th birthday, and to be completely honest, I can't believe I'm still alive. I don't even feel safe in my own house anymore. Even when I'm with Taylor, it's like I'm consistently reminding myself that the locks on the doors only slow them down.

I don't know what is going to happen today. Taylor told me a couple days ago that he wants it to be a happy day, not like every other day has recently been. I have a bad feeling though, that Angela knows it's my birthday.

I haven't spoken a word about Angela trashing my home to Jeremy. I called him for Christmas, but that's it. The last time I saw him was on Taylor's birthday. I don't mind if Taylor told him, or is planning to, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. The damage was too great; for the house and to me.

I did get some help with new things for the house though for Christmas, which was extremely helpful. Now I just have to get through the rest of the year, and at least try to enjoy my 26th birthday. Taylor asked if I was willing the 'waste' it with him, which I'm completely okay with. I do in fact love him of course. I'm spending time with family over the weekend to celebrate with them.

It's now noon, which a year ago would be extremely early, but recently sleep isn't a familiar term to me. I'm hoping that one day that will change though, because I'm more tired by the day; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I'm sorry but writer's block sucks. Like always, I know how I want the story to end, but I don't know about the closer chapters. Goodness.

Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself together and write a good, decent chapter. Sorry for the shortness and sloppiness of this, I'm like falling asleep right now...